Five Fat Girls Sought ("flurry of chubby fists")

The Smoking Gun ^ | August 9, 2006 | TSG

[mcg2000]

Five Fat Girls Sought

Cops report "flurry of chubby fists" in Toledo milk heist

AUGUST 9--Robbery is never funny. Except when it's described by Toledo police officers with a peculiar sense of humor. Early this morning, Scott Gibson, 44, was returning from the grocery store with a gallon of milk when, as he told cops, he was surrounded by "5 fat black girls" in the parking lot of a Kentucky Fried Chicken. As described by officers Patrick Sutherland and Kristi Eycke in the below Toledo Police Department incident report, one of the "hefty felons" asked Gibson to surrender his milk. Believing that he was being pranked, Gibson just laughed at the request. But, as cops reported, he realized it was no joke when the "rotund robbers" began "pelting him with a flurry of chubby fists." After the assailants tore the milk from his hands, they relieved Gibson of his Motorola cell phone. He was unable to provide a detailed description of the attackers, except to estimate that the women were in their twenties. Presumably the quintet slinked off into the night looking for some poor soul carrying a box of Devil Dogs. (2 pages)

[mcg2000]

[A Balrog of Morgoth]

LMAO. nice find.

[ClearCase_guy]

I'd say the robbery victim, and the officer who wrote up this report may have committed a Hate Crime against fat people of color.

[goldstategop]

Sounds like a KFC joke. Insert five fat chicks and a bucket of fried chicken here.

( No more Olmert! No more Kadima! No more Oslo!)

[kinoxi]

I have not seen the 'hefty felons' around here...

[Graymatter]

Schoolyard karma's gonna get you.

[Tactical]

Seems to me they would just blend into any crowd and never be seen again. Similar to a herd of Hippo's bathing in the backyard pool! /sarcasm

[rvoitier]

Winn Dixie Chicks??

[PeteB570]

We have a ton of possible suspects around here.

[HEY4QDEMS]

Subsequent leads turned out to be pretty thin.

[kinoxi]

:)

[Axhandle]

That description is pretty thin on details. Fat chance of finding the perps.

[Allegra]

Yeah, I think y'all need to come on over here. The responses alone are worth it.

[E Rocc]

When I was in college in the early 80s, the campus black organization actually objected to newspaper descriptions of "alleged" criminals mentioning race.

-Eric

[The G Man]

Got Milk?

[mkjessup]

Winn Dixie Chicks??

Now THAT is FUNNY! LMAO!

[wildwood]

believe me, you see lots of hefty felons and rotund robbers in toledo.

[billorites]

Perp's got back.

[cjshapi]

Extra large ping

[Toby06]

Milk-robba-got-much-back ping.