Mail order brides scam (PARTLY VANITY)

Scam Info Website ^ | None given | None given

[elk1]

I would suggest checking out a site like http://www.womenrussia.com/blacklist.htm. Another source would be to google russian blacklist together.

You may find details on scams that others have reported.

Good luck, and bless you.

[Aliska]

just a good portion of the wording

The first part seems word for word what she (or the phantom, smile) wrote my son and then added some more.

It sounds like she has a crush on me now :-). I have a motherly heart. She didn't indicate she looked at any of the photos I sent links for but wants to know more about my family. Oh dear.

Some of them do have to go to internet cafes because they don't have computers at home. She says she has to be careful about using the computer at work. That part makes some sense.

There are so many of these women being abused and sold on the world sex slave market; I doubt this is the case here, but it works both ways. If there was any way I could help those women escape, I would, but don't have what it takes in emotional strength to see it through.

As to posting the wording, I know many would be curious, but I hesitate to do that at this point, even if it is a scam. People can put two and two together if they get a letter from a Russian woman who is "glade" to meet you, tells you how many kg's they weigh, etc.

[RS]

If a web search turns up 50 people who were scammed using that exact same message your son might get the hint.

[Aliska]

Thanks. Those are both good ideas. I will check that link, too. I've spent a lot of time on this last night and today, so will have to take it up again tomorrow.

I now realize that when it is a scam, they can morph their names, pictures, letters faster than a cameleon changes colors, so smoking them all out would be difficult. I don't have all the tools to do it. You'd have to go to Russia and run an investigation. That would be a trip.

[ikka]

Such marriages seem to be either very successful and joyous or very happy and miserable. There is less "middle ground" in these cases than in a case of one American marrying another American.

Regardless of what the women say, there is always an element of the quest for a man with financial stability. It is not wrong to seek for a certain level of stability, since without it, you can't plan for a home and family.

There will be significant cultural differences, especially if the American does not have a lot of exposure to other cultures, which can cause strain on the relationship without folks realizing it.

Be aware that it will cost at least $5,000 to finish the paperwork (or $1,000 in INS fees and copious amounts of your spare time and aggravation), and probably another $20,000 when you figure in multiple trips to Russia, phone calls home, shipping stuff back to family in Russia, etc.

I speak from personal experience as someone who married an Asian and am happily married but much poorer.

[Aliska]

Re the link you posted.

The requested URL /blacklist.htm. was not found on this server.

[Aliska]

The only reason our friend came here was because she wanted to start over after the death of her mother and her boyfriend. She had no one left so we asked her to come here and we've made her part of our extended family.

I'm sorry I neglected to respond to this, then I'd better let it be for the night.

What you did for that woman was a very kind and loving thing to do. And sometimes you do have to take a few risks along the way. But you do have to exercise extreme caution.

To everyone who has responded thus far, I appreciate very much the input. Several heads are often better than one.

[opinionator]

I fell for a scam like this, except the woman was from the breakaway republic of Kreplachistan.

[Andy from Beaverton]

I've met two very beautiful women from Russia, but I have had hundreds of scammers try and scam me. Be careful!

http://www.stop-scammers.com/browseall.asp
http://www.uaprofiler.com/
http://www.russianwomenblacklist.com/
http://www.anti-scam.org/
http://www.4umatch.co.uk/category/scammers/russian-scammers/online-dating-advice

[Aliska]

Your #25. Much food for thought. He could probably afford all that, but I'm not encouraging it for the other reasons. What he does is up to him. He was talking about going someplace in South America to look for a woman there.

Before you can make somebody else happy and be happy with them if they are right for you, you have to do some work on yourself.

And, no, I don't fault women for wanting a prosperous husband, although I watched that to the point it nearly made me ill. She didn't want him. She wanted what his money could buy, $5000 ring, fancy coats, beautiful home she didn't want to clean, cook and do laundry, my son had to take care of everything except watch the kids when he had to work, trips to Las Vegas, Florida and sports arenas without him, going out with her friends all the time, staying out all night. I've had to keep my mouth shut because she seems to be good to the children and he is not perfect.

Now she is living on generous child support, hasn't worked a day since she took up with my son, has no intention of ever working, skims money off the insurance for the care of her mother which is a huge policy, shipped her mother off to Florida alone, is 34 years old, is going to marry a 22-year-old man, living together in a swanky apartment. I don't know what he does for a living. That's what can happen to you in these times. But she is a drop dead gorgeous blond and won't get tested for the Huntingdon's disease that has claimed several members of her family. And she isn't all bad. I'm just sad for the boys and my son. She got pregnant by another man, my son married her and they had one of their own. He lived to please her, worked his tail off. He still hurts from it; I can tell, but some would say he brought it on himself.

I did tell him some of the awful things that have happened to other men when their wives don't want them.

Everyone who sees my son's picture says he is a nice looking man, and he has a very generous heart with the rest of his family, some of whom are hurting bad. And he drinks too much now.

[elk1]

Sorry about the non-working link. Don't know what happened to it.

I think RS has included a number of links; a quick google check on 'russian blacklist' I believe will generate some more if needed. Again I wish you luck with this situation.

[Aliska]

Thanks, elk1. I'm shutting down for the night. Odd the link went down so fast. I'll check it again tomorrow.

[Bon mots]

One of the times when I visited the Ukraine, I stayed in a hotel in Kiev that actually had a marriage agency right inside. There was some geeky looking American guy in there looking for a wife and they set him up on a whole bunch of dates.

I don't know how it worked out, but it seems to me it is much more intelligent to actually go and see the merchandise you are buying.

It doesn't cost all that much to go there and spend your vacation on such a quest. This particular agency even sets up events like dances, etc.

I forgot which hotel it was.

[Old_Mil]

And, no, I don't fault women for wanting a prosperous husband, although I watched that to the point it nearly made me ill. She didn't want him. She wanted what his money could buy, $5000 ring, fancy coats, beautiful home she didn't want to clean, cook and do laundry, my son had to take care of everything except watch the kids when he had to work, trips to Las Vegas, Florida and sports arenas without him, going out with her friends all the time, staying out all night.

Where did your son meet my ex-wife? :)

On a serious note, just how well can something like this work? Given how difficult it is to make relationships work given modern day attitudes and expectations, what realistic chance is there for someone to make it work a half world away?

I know no Russian woman, but from what I've seen of human nature, there's a great deal of consistency in it, wherever you go.

[DannyTN]

I've probably communicated with over 50 women from Russia in the last year. 98% of them, I believe were scammers. They probably weren't even women, but some guy named victor who has some women's photos. Red flags to look for...

• if she asks you to send money on the untraceable Western Union service.
• if she claims to be able to get a visa to the U.S. It's almost impossible for a young single Russian woman to get a tourist visa to the U.S. The state department has a website that explains their criteria. Basically the state dept assumes everyone visiting the U.S. is going to try to stay as an illegal and the burden of proof is on them to show they have enough interests to return to Russia.
• if they want money for the internet access, phone cards, sick relatives, etc. Some scams inflate expenses. I had one want $4 a minute for a 30 minute phone card so she could call me. I pointed her to a website where she could get a card for $0.12 a minute.
• if they are a "seller of soft toys" is a phrase in a letter that I've received from 3 different girls with 3 different pictures but word for word the same letter except for the names.
• If they don't answer your questions. A lot of times the scammers won't even read your emails. They just respond with their next prewritten email.
• If they fall in love with you on the third email.
• If they are about to fly to you, and then are $500 short because of an unforseen travel expense.
• If they are about to fly to you and customs tells them they must show $500 to $1500 "pocket money" before coming to the U.S. The U.S. Embassy in Russia specifically addresses this one on their website and says that no U.S. or Russian agency requires "pocket money" for travel to the U.S.

  Ways to verify their identity...

• Send flowers to their address. If they won't give an address that's a big red flag. Flower delivery places in Russia take a picture of the girl receiving the flowers. Thus, you can confirm that the girl is real. A lot of scammers will refuse to allow you to send them flowers. They'll have allergies or ignore your request altogether.
• Russian legal services exist that will run a background check on her. Usually for $100 or less. I've not used one, but sometimes when I mention that, the person dissappears.
• Offer to have your friend in the Moscow police department meet her to verify her identity before you send her money. That got rid of one real fast.
• Get a phone number and call her. A lot of them don't have phones. But once I did get a phone number and talked to her a couple of times. And every time I called her 8 year old daughter answered the phone. It certainly sounded legitimate. But some of the scammers will call you. Just because you talk to a female doens't mean they aren't scammers.

And don't even get me started on the African scammers. Did you know Nigeria was the vacation mecca for beautiful white models who will fall instantly in love with you, and will come live with you immediately if only you will pay their hotel bill so they can get their passport back? Strangely enough, they grew up in the United States but can barely type broken English. I refer these to the American Embassy that can restore their passport and has a fund to help get them out of the country. You would not believe the excuses not to contact the American embassy.

[Fish_Keeper]

Your son should be very careful. I was corresponding with a russian woman a couple years ago. I almost fell for the "wire me money for airfare and a visa so I can come to America to be with you" scam. Fortunately I wised up to this scam just in time to save me a lot of grief and embarrasment. Read DannyTN's post #35. Good list of red flags to look for there. One other thing I would mention is that many scammers are sloppy and you can find "cut and paste" sections reused throughout their different emails.

[Fish_Keeper]

In almost all cases, it is not even possible that a Russian woman can get a visa on her own to get here.

What needs to happen is that the man visits her in her country, gets "evidence" that he met her in person (photos, travel receipts, etc) and apply for a marriage visa to bring her here for a set amount of time. I believe it is 90 days that the couple needs to marry or else she needs to go home.

[Aliska]

It doesn't cost all that much to go there and spend your vacation on such a quest.

I'm kind of a believer in fate. That sounds like a nice vacation, something I would enjoy if I could do it. If you happen to meet someone, and things blossom (rare, usually they are just flings), fine.

What we're really dealing with here is that I don't think my son has come to terms with some things in his life, and no woman will work for him until he gets them resolved.

I took a photograph of a lovely woman walking up the hill by herrself during a race, she had that wholesome, all-American look, natural light brown hair, pretty, professional cut, slender might have been spoiled and pretty picky . . . and married :-). I was showing the pictures from that shoot, and asked him why he didn't find a woman like that. She was too flat chested (now this through a jacket). How superficial is that?

But please don't lecture me about that. I know how it is with some men. It's life.

[Aliska]

Where did your son meet my ex-wife? :)

That was the way it was (and much worse one day she was driving and she got mad and said "you wanna die" and deliberately drove into a telephone pole, signs of instability as bad or worse than me; I never wanted or tried to hurt anyone but myself). They made up a story and her father is a police detective, so they got out of that one, and my foolish son married her anyway because she was so pretty, etc. Anyway, during a time late last fall, I was feeling unwell, and my cat needed badly to be seen by the vet. I asked my son if he would please take her for me. Next thing I know, she shows (he was busy and got her to do it) up and shows compassion for my cat and took her to the vet. The examined her, and I was able to go down to pick her up and pay the bill. I was grateful that she did that for me. She also mentioned that she was helping someone with her kids where the mother had cancer.

So I feel kind of bad writing those words. She seems to have a good side.

On a serious note, just how well can something like this work? Given how difficult it is to make relationships work given modern day attitudes and expectations, what realistic chance is there for someone to make it work a half world away?

You hit the nail on the head, bam, bam, bam. That's exactly what I'm thinking.

[Aliska]

Wow is that an informative post! 98%. That is really high. I have zero tolerance for these scammers; I fight them every day in my inbox. I will keep that info.

This whole thing has got me upset and a little paranoid. I hope my son will listen to me, but he has a very expensive car and credit cards. What if he goes to met someone here in our country and there are big tough guys hiding and waiting? I read about a horror story right here on FR about a jeweler who got set up and murdered for the jewels.