In the Outlet Mall of Love, Finding A Good Fit Can Mean Lots of Returns

Washington Post ^ | February 6, 2006 | Libby Copeland

[tbird5]

Falling in love has never had a reputation for making much sense. Dante glimpsed Beatrice a few times and wouldn't shut up about her for decades.

Why should not-falling-in-love be any more rational?

It comes down to the deterrent power of a Phil Collins CD in a woman's car. Or, a guy who habitually sticks his tongue out while eating, like a lapping dog. His girlfriend returns him to his cage, permanently.

Centuries from now, scientists may point to this as the moment in time when the pickiness gene became dominant. In the end, it will come down to one really old, lonely guy and his list.

"She must have blue eyes. She should like animals, but not in a weird way. No thin lips. No lawyers," he'll be writing, just before he keels over and the human race comes to an end.

* * *

As the measure of a relationship, the taquito is greasy and capricious. But there it was late one night, warmed over countless times, poised to destroy a budding romance.

They'd been out with friends at a few bars. She was hungry. She wanted 7-Eleven.

"She said, 'They've got the best taquitos in the world,' " says Joe Peters. "I said, 'Are you serious?' "

Peters, 28, is not a 7-Eleven kind of guy. More of a distance-cycling, marathoning, healthy meals kind of guy. She insisted. He accompanied her in.

"She even said, "Pick out any one, it's on me,' " Peters recalls of the incident, which wasn't even really a date, and acquired great meaning only afterward, after everything else had happened, with the mayonnaise and the brie. But anyway, there he was.

[jocon307]

"It comes down to the deterrent power of a Phil Collins CD in a woman's car."

That would end it for hubby.

[wizardoz]

I've been known to bolt at the sight of a glass-topped coffee table. Or a messy car. Blaring music. Overhead lights. Tacky wall art. Blond furniture. I also avoid people who can't parallel park or who make common spelling errors.

One person got dumped for snickering at the way I brush my teeth.

I have been dumped for cat-owning, pointing out typos in menus, and making too much commentary during movies. That last one I'm really bad about. My date needs to know my every passing thought during a movie. I just can't help myself.

[jocon307]

This was a good article, I thought it was really quite amusingly written. The Wapo really has it all over the Times these days. The Times better toss Pinch ASAP because the Wapo and the LA Times are kicking their butts just in quality of writing.

Hubby and I are both Hellman's Mayo, Gulden's Mustard, Skippy Peanut Butter, leave the knife in the Entemann's cake box people. I think if one of us was into Miracle Whip, French's, etc. I don't think it would have worked.

I know the article is somewhat silly, but it is true that choice about food will reveal ones ineffable, indefinable "culture" better than anything else.

Great post, I really enjoyed reading this piece.

[jocon307]

"I've been known to bolt at the sight of a glass-topped coffee table."

That's another one hubby and I agree on. As he put it: I see a table like that, and I think, that's the accident that's going to kill me.

[Ursus arctos horribilis]

All her other great qualities aside, the wife can prepare food the way I like as no other ever could. That food alone would have sufficed to have kept me at home for these 46 years of marriage to her.