Coke's Santa is the very best.
Posted on 10/08/2005 1:03:10 PM PDT by Petey139
LONDON (Reuters) - It's the Santa Clause and its aim is to root out substandard Santas.
ADVERTISEMENT
Jolly, bearded Father Christmas has been ordered to clean up his act or be forced to hang up his trademark red suit.
"We are trying to eradicate shoddy Santas," James Lovell of the Ministry of Fun agency told Reuters the day after a secret summit of Santas drew up guidelines for girth, beard length, attire, footwear and general demeanor.
"Santa is a magical and cuddly man, not a fat, smelly slob," said Lovell, whose agency fills 500 Santa positions a year. "I even saw a Santa last year wearing trainers (sneakers)."
From this December Santas -- who only substitute for the real thing when he is busy elsewhere -- must be neatly presented, have a bushy white beard no more than six inches long and a girth of no greater than 48 inches and no less than 46 inches.
"He must not smell of drink or body odor and his 'Ho! Ho! Ho!' must resonate deeply," Lovell added.
That doesnt seem like a long enough beard.
They don't call him Santa Claus any longer. He's now known as the "jolly holiday person".
With those measurements, it sounds like Uncle Sam.
One can't say jolly any more either. It might offend us manic depressives who will never be jolly.
lets not start talking about "gay Santa" either
You gotta love the Euroweenies, bringing bureaucratic order to issues where none is needed.
["Santa is a magical and cuddly man, not a fat, smelly slob,"]
Couldn't he be both?
Ho, ho, F'n Ho!
That's what Gunny Santa would say as he slipped down the
ole barracks fire escape on Christmas eve.
Clad all in green
no red to be seen.
He brought Militech to all good Marines.
Breakfree and boresnakes he put in their sox
But their mean ole sargent got a box full of rocks.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.