Posted on 03/29/2005 8:23:43 PM PST by SJackson
Ladies, would you flash your boobs at a gorilla to keep your job? And when I say gorilla, I'm not alluding metaphorically to your hairy boss. I'm talking about an actual gorilla.
Two American women are suing their ex-employer at the Gorilla Foundation, for trying to get them to bare their breasts to Koko, a 33-year-old female gorilla.
I'm a little disappointed that Koko turns out to be female. Most of the news stories I read about this left out that salient detail, for obvious reasons.
The story has a lot more impact if she was male, because then we could immediately delve into our store of gender prejudices and come up with some juicy puns. Stuff about bananas, for example.
But never mind, we work with what we've got. The story goes like this - The employees were told to display their breasts so they could bond with Koko, who is a gorilla who is famous for her ability to speak sign language.
I've often wondered about that - why do people spend their lives trying to get gorillas to talk? I mean, what can they really tell us? A useful source of grubs? Sex tips for dealing with women who say no? Grooming secrets? Why not spend your time getting birds to talk, rather.
That would be much more useful, because you could use the birds to spy on Paris Hilton. Or, perhaps less excitingly, on Patricia de Lille.
But that's a little off the topic, which is - gorillas and breasts.
Gorillas and breasts
An odd topic, you're right, and I'm indebted to reader Colin A of Johannesburg, who sent me many mails about the issue. The mails were at first sweetly imploring, but became increasingly threatening.
I don't know what issues Colin A has about gorillas and breasts, and I don't want to know. All I know is, if I didn't write this column, Colin A was going to do something vicious to me with a banana.
But I had another reason for writing it - a homage to Gary Larson.
Does anyone remember that great Larson cartoon about renowned primatoligist (or 'chimpanzee chick' in the popular press), Jane Goodall?
If memory serves me right, it shows a female chimpanzee picking a hair off her chimpanzee husband while grooming, and saying: ""Well well, another blonde hair - doing a little more 'research' with that Jane Goodall tramp?"
It encapsulates so much, including my attitude to the gorilla and breasts story, which is rather alarmingly titled on News24 as 'Women sue over gorilla's fetish'.
The story tells us that the employer being sued, Francine "Penny" Patterson, had the following to say to Koko - "Koko, you see my nipples all the time. You are probably bored with my nipples. You need to see new nipples. I will turn my back so Kendra can show you her nipples".
Aside from the obvious cruelty inherent in this scenario (for example, what cruel parents call their daughter Kendra?), surely this is more about humans doing those perverse human things we're so famous for, rather than animal behaviour?
Unless those two things are the same, of course.
Chris Roper doesn't mind an apple a day, but keep those damn bananas to yourself.
San Francisco - Two women sacked from their jobs caring for a "talking" gorilla have sued their ex-employer for allegedly ordering them to bare their breasts to the nipple-obsessed simian, reports said on Saturday.
The former employees claimed in their bizarre lawsuit that they were told to display their breasts in order to bond with, Koko, a 33-year-old female gorilla famed for her ability to "speak" sign language.
Nancy Alperin and Kendra Keller sued the Gorilla Foundation, based in Woodside, near the US city of San Francisco, and its president, Francine "Penny" Patterson, earlier this week, according to several local newspapers.
Patterson told Alperin several times last year that "exposing one's breasts to Koko was a normal component to developing a personal bond with the gorilla", the suit alleges, according to the San Jose Mercury News.
"On at least two incidents in mid-to-late June 2004, Patterson intensely pressured Keller to expose herself to Koko while they were working outside where other employees could potentially view Keller's naked body," the suit stated.
"On one such occasion, Patterson said, 'Koko, you see my nipples all the time. You are probably bored with my nipples. You need to see new nipples. I will turn my back so Kendra can show you her nipples,'" the suit added.
The women say they never did undress for the voyeuristic gorilla.
But the Gorilla Foundation, set up in 1976, strongly denied the allegations made in the suit filed in court in San Mateo County, accusing them of distorting the facts to draw publicity to their labour gripes.
"We unequivocally deny these allegations and are confident that this case lacks merit," said the foundation's lawyer Todd Roberts in a statement.
"We intend to try this case in the San Mateo County court and not in the press," he said, adding that the suit was a bid by the women and their lawyers to "manipulate a purported employment issue and miscast it purely for publicity purposes".
The women, who were sacked on August 6 last year, seeking more than one million dollars in damages for alleged sexual discrimination, wrongful dismissal in retaliation for reporting health violations at the foundation and for outstanding overtime pay.
They claim they were sacked after telling authorities of alleged health violations, including the alleged storage of gorilla urine in the same fridge as human food, various local media reports said.
The 47-year-old Alperin is seeking $719 830 in damages while Keller, 48, is asking for $366 192.
Koko became the subject of books, television shows and press reports in 1998 after learning more than 1 000 words in American Sign Language from Patterson.
The hirsute linguist, who also has a reported taste for painting abstract and still-life artworks, took part in an Internet chatroom conversation with fans later the same year.
So the gorilla is a lesbian or is it that bi-curious deal?
Three years salary, another 20 grand pain and suffering, plus attorney fees. That is what this is worth.
The same impulse that makes people wax ecstatic about SETI or get all emotional about finding traces of the possibility of life on Mars.
People want very badly to be assured that we are not unique or here by design. Otherwise, we'd have to deal with the Designer. And that's a big " Uh-oh."
What, no pictures?
Do you think the management of a place called "Gorilla Foundation" may all be liberal, New Age fruitcakes? It's possible.
This lawsuit has merit.
EEK! I regret having asked...
I know, I just hope I didn't break any of the FRules with that image...
That woman in the middle reminds me of David Lee Roth... I'll be having nightmares tonight of seeing her in Washington Square Park buying dime bags of oregano from fake Rastafarians.
By the employer's logic, flashing breasts is a sexual overture that would create sexually happier, but possibly sexually aroused gorilla. That state of mind in a gorilla -- possibly a stalking state of mind -- would be potentially life threatening to the flasher, immediately or at some later date.
Imho, there is a large money reward waiting at the end of the litigation rainbow for these women.
Why don't you look and see how many times this story has been posted, it's really old, old news.
Why should any woman be so ashamed of her body, that she is un-willing to show her breasts to an animal?
If anything, this shame is more disturbing, and could be a strong indication of a much more important mental health issue.
Okay, oKAY.
Is that sign language for "skin to win"?
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