Posted on 03/18/2005 9:27:35 AM PST by Terriergal
"When I Woke Up..."
by Rus Cooper-Dowda The following is a meditation by Rus Cooper-Dowda delivered at the St. Petersburg, FL. vigil held for Terri Schiavo.
In February of 1985, I woke up in a hospital bed in Boston, MA. I couldn't see very well and I couldn't move much -- but boy could I ever hear!
I heard a terrifying discussion then that I will never, ever forget.
Around the end of my bed were a "school" of doctors in their white coats, planning when to disconnect my ventilator and feeding tube. I immediately started screaming, "I'm here!!" No one but me heard me.
They did notice my sudden agitation. They heavily sedated me. For a time, everytime I woke up I would make as much noise and move as a much as I could to show them I was "in there."
And they would, in response, heavily sedate me...
I then started spelling the same word in the air, "Don't! Don't! Don't!...."
The doctors decided that the letters I was spelling in the air were repetitive seizure activity and just happened to occur most often when they were in my room discussing killing me...I even took to writing them backwards to make it easy for them to read...
And their response was to sedate me even more....
But, the nursing staff began to believe I was really and truly with them.
One, in particular, starting bringing in a clip board and a broken pen when she talked to me. She would put ink on my fingers, the clip board under my right hand and then ask me yes and no questions in the beginning.
With her I secretly progressed to answering in sentence fragments. However, by doctor's orders she was not allowed to document in my file what she was doing and that I was giving meaningful responses.
But...she did save my inky answer sheets and recorded the questions she asked. She got into a lot of trouble for that.
Yet, it earned me a final conference where the doctors had to prove to the nursing staff for political reasons that all my communication was just agitation and seizures.
At that meeting, my then husband, who was a doctor siding with the other doctors who wanted to let me die, held that clipboard which was my lifeline up in the air in front of me. He was not going to make it easy.
The purpose was to prove that the nurses were basically hallucinating and that I was really and truly brain-dead.
To prove I could not communicate, he then put ink on my fingers and asked while laughing, "There isn't anything you want to tell us, is there?"
In response I spelled out, "D-I-V-O-R-C-E Y-O-U!" The laughter got very nervous then. The doctors called for medication because I was obviously having a sezure.
Then the nurse who used the board first with me said, "Let me try" and "What do you need to tell us today?"
I spelled out, "D-I-V-O-R-C-E H-I-M!!!!"
There was never a questions after that about whether I was "in there' or not.
Then they said I couldn't breath on my own -- and I could. Then they said I couldn't learn to eat again on my own -- and I did. Then they said therapy wasn't important -- and it was. Then they said I would be dead within a year -- in 1985 -- this is 2003...
They also said I would never have meaningful mental function again -- yet I earned another Master's degree only a few years later.
Here's the real medical corker though -- They also said at the time that I was permanently sterile. That was a cause of great grief for me then as I had very much wanted to bear and raise a child.
But, it turned out my son, who is here at this service today, was born at the end of that year.
It turned out that I was actually pregnant at the very moment they were telling me I was sterile -- a simple test at the time could have established that.
A test they didn't think they needed to do -- so they didn't.
My point is that the medical and legal staff of that world-renown hospital were wrong and didn't listen and made startling assumptions about the quality of life for the disabled community I had joined.
In their eyes, I only had two options then -- full recovery and a lovely hospice death. I did spend time in a hospice against my will fighting to get to my OB-GYN appointments -- but that is the stuff of another story. Leave it to say that it was beyond them that most of us -- especially the disabled community -- live full lives in between physical perfection and death.
To borrow a current phase, we are here today because of that "Middle Earth." I live there as does Terri, all other people with disabilities, their familiy, supporters and friends.
Even those doctors who were so sure Max and I could not possibly be here today will live in that land between perfect health and death if they last long enough -- that is, if they don't do themselves in out of fear that someone else will have to help them someday. Then will they ever be surprized at how much love and joy and life there is for the asking in that "Middle Earth" of the disabled community....
And therefore how much love and joy and life there is to celebrate here today...
Rus Cooper-Dowda is a minister and freelance writer in St. Petersburg, Fla.
ping
A couple of interesting additions to her story:
http://www.raggededgemagazine.com/0302/0302ft4.html
Dead -- And Back Again
By Rus Cooper-Dowda
READ Social Security Disability Programs - a history
Not so long ago, the Social Security Administration called my spouse to inform him that, due to my death, my monthly benefit check would be stopped. Since I was the one who actually answered the phone, this news came as a great surprise to me.
http://www.chninternational.com/florida_teacher_blames_firing_on.htm
CNSNews.com) - A Pinellas County, Fla., teacher -- who is disabled and works with disabled students- - claims she is being fired because she voiced her support for another disabled Florida woman: Terri Schindler Schiavo.
Rus Cooper-Dowda told CNSNews.com Wednesday morning that the Pinellas County School Board voted six-to-one to fire her Tuesday night, citing "job perforrmance" as the reason. The veteran teacher claims she was terminated in retaliation for sharing her opinion about the Schiavo case in response to a reporter's question.
THANKYOU!
ping
freaky huh? I found a few other stories but none that actually had the hubby involved in plotting the wife's death so blatantly.
Amazing story - a good one to share around.
Thanks. Terri ping.
The Lord is Terri's Shepherd --- That's Relationship !!!
She shall not want --- That's Supply !!!
He maketh her to lie down in green pastures --- That's Rest !!!
He leadeth her beside the still waters --- That's Refreshment !!!
He restoreth her soul --- That's Healing !!!
He leadeth her in the paths of righteousness --- That's Guidance !!!
For His name sake --- That's Purpose !!!
Yea, though Terri walk through the valley of the shadow of death --- That's Testing !!!
She will fear no evil --- That's Protection !!!
For Thou art with her --- That's Faithfulness !!!
Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort her --- That's Discipline !!!
Thou preparest a table before Terri in the presence of her enemies--- That's Hope !!!
Thou annointest her head with oil --- That's Consecration !!!
Her cup runneth over --- That's Abundance !!!
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow Terri all the days of her life --- That's Blessing !!!
And she will dwell in the house of the Lord --- That's Security!!!
Forever --- That's Eternity !!!
Congressional Subpoena --- That's Deliverance !!!
Face it ---- The Lord is crazy about Terri !!!
Otherwise --- Why else would He continuously deliver her from
the evil hands of her attempted murderers ???
Holy mackerel. You'd think this would be big, human interest news, but I never heard of this case before. One more sign that our media are sick unto death.
yep. Email everyone at foxnews. I just did. I also suggested to Hannity's guy in charge of guest appearances on his radio show. I know he got it because he wrote back saying essentially it sounded like a good idea. They have planned to have on some of the Congressmen leading the charge this afternoon.
Well, I am not counting my chickens until they're hatched here. I have seen too many hopeful things just slip away at the last minute.
Mistakes happen.
Doctors are sometimes wrong.
Juries are sometimes wrong.
Public Opinion is sometimes wrong.
That doesn't mean we should act like Democrats, throw out the system and have hysterics unless we can prove we have a better system to offer.
SO9
The problem is that citing the reason for NOT removing Terri Schiavo's feeding tube is that her husband has attempted to murder her is a total non sequitur. The two statements are unrelated. If you believe her feeding tube should not be removed, that's your belief. Whether her husband participated in her resultant condition, the vegetative state, needing a feeding tube, has nothing to do with whether or not her feeding tube should be removed.
There are many other non sequiturs in this case, many of which concern me.
What is the problem with you people? If HE put her in this state, then WHY does he have the right to remove her tube? Why if he is legally estranged from her and living with another woman does he have any say???
I guess we can use that when Bush does something wrong then too huh? Or, name a politician. Why are you here? Aren't you on FR to fight so that people DON'T keep doing these things wrong? How unbelieveably callous.
Suppose a guy drinks too much and runs over your daughter/son. Whoops. Mistakes are made. So what?
You'd think... but as evidenced by even supposed 'conservatives' here on FR, 'big fat hairy deal...'
That reminds me... maybe King George just made a mistake with his tax exploiting the colonies... Who cares? Wonder why we bothered to actually fight a war over it? Sheesh.
Hussein must have just been mistaken too. And Ted Kennedy running off that bridge. big deal...
bttt
You'd think... but as evidenced by even supposed 'conservatives' here on FR, 'big fat hairy deal...'
Obeisance to the law of God is unfortunately not pervasive in the G.O.P. But one could even argue from a secular point that by allowing Terri Schiavo to be killed our society takes another step down into the pit of moral decadence.
We all know of conservatives who are pro-abortion, (and many of the on demand sort), so it should come as no surprise that many also agree with Judge Greer.
I hope your spirit is never dampened Terriegal. It is you and like minds who are the real heart and soul of the Grand Ol' Party.
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