Posted on 01/24/2005 12:57:02 PM PST by ijcr
The Army MP's, the Marines MP's and the Air Force Police decide to go on a survival weekend together to see who comes out top. After some basic exercises the Instructor tells them their next objective is to go down into the woods and come back with a rabbit for dinner.
First up are the Army. They don their infra-red goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence occurs for 5 mins, followed by a single muffled shot. They emerge with a rabbit, shot cleanly through the forehead. "Excellent work" says the Instructor.
Next up are the Marines. They finish their cans of coke, cover themselves in camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their voices.
For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of machine gun fire, mortar bombs, hand grenades and blood curdling war cries. Eventually they emerge carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.
"A bit messy but you got a result, well done" says the Instructor.
Lastly in go the Air Force Police, walking slowly, hands behind backs, whistling the theme from Law and Order. For the next few hours the silence is only broken by the occasional cackle of a walkie-talkie: 'sierra oscar lima one, suspect headed straight for you' etc.
After what seems like an eternity, they emerge escorting a squirrel in hand cuffs. "What the hell do you think you are doing?" asks the incredulous Instructor.
"Take the squirrel back and get me a rabbit, like I asked you to 5 hours ago!!!"
So back they go. Minutes pass, these minutes turn to hours and day turns to night. The next morning the Trainer and the rest of the crew are awakened by the Air Force Police, stil holding the handcuffed squirrel, that is now covered in bruises.
"Are you serious?" asks the irate Instructor.
The Air Force team Leader then coughs and shoots a glance at the squirrel who squeaks, "Alright, alright I confess,I am a rabbit!"
Great for a Monday LOL !!!
Words fail me . . .
ping
Thanks! I enjoy a good joke. This is one.
Lmao, awesome.
good joke
Nasty.
An Air Force officer goes to heaven and at the gate St Peter asks him if he has ever done anything in his life that he believes makes him worthy of admittance to heaven.
The officer flyboy replies," Yes, I once went into a bar with four of my pilot friends and saw two Seabees harassing a young girl at the bar, so being a gentleman I went up to the biggest one and told him to leave this young lady alone. When he refused I told him again more forcefully. This time I slapped him across the face and told this Seabee to stand down."
St Peter said this was a very good thing to do and asked when the pilot did this great act.
The pilot replied, "About 5 minutes ago! My friends should be here shortly!"
Now I'm reminded of the old Marine,Army urinal joke.
If it were a Middle-Eastern squirrel, would it have had a pair of panties on it's head? ;)
Not only did I not have to wash my hands but the Seabee joke
brought back a lot of memories. It used to be a long ferry ride to Coronado didn't it?
The airman looked the pilot in the eye and said, "sir, I don't have any stripes. It's 1:00 a.m. and I'm standing here in a blizzard in Thule Greenland pumping out a septic tank. How are you going to punish me?"
That's a really good question....
A grade school teacher asks “Little Johnny” to tell the class a story with a moral.
Little Johnny tells a story about his Uncle Ted who was in the 82nd airborne. On one trip Uncle Ted’s plane was hit and going down and Uncle Ted was the only one without a parachute. The only thing Ted could grab was his weapon and a case of beer.
Ted jumps out and starts slamming beers and lands in the jungle. Being a tough guy, Ted jumps up and starts attacking the enemy. When he runs out of bullets he grabs his knife and continues to wipe out the enemy. After his knife breaks off he starts taking them on bare-handed and came back a hero.
The teacher gives Johnny a smirk and asks “So what’s the moral of the story?”
Little Johnny says “Don’t F$%# with Uncle Ted when he’s been drinking!”
This Marine Fighter pilot retires after Viet Nam, and spends the next 30+ years leading a successful life when 911 occurrs. Goes to the local recruiter and tells him he wants back in. Says gonna kill rag heads Semper Fi, Do or Die oorah.
The Gunny tells him he's too old. The former pilot says no sweat, got a buddy at the pentagon, oorah. Calls his buddy at the pentagon and once again is told he is simply to old. No sweat, buy a boat gonna kill rag heads Semper Fi Do or Die Oorah.
So he buys a boat and is rowing it across the big water when St Peter sees him and points him out to God and asks "what am I to do about him?". God says take his brain and he'll turn around not remembering where he is headed. St Peter takes his brain, but still the Marine is rowing singing gonna kill rag heads Semper Fi Do or Die Oorah.
St. Peter once again points him out to God and says "now what", to which God says take his heart, it is from there his passion flows. So St. Pete removes his heart. The Marine is still rowing and singing gonna kill rag heads Semper Fi, Do or Die OORAH !!!!
Now St. Pete says to God, I really don't know what to do now, and God says take his balls, that removes his aggression, and St Pete does that. The marine turns his boat around and sings "Anchors away my boys".....
LOL!
Semper Fi Do or Die...OoRah.......I really like that one. Thanks for sharing.....
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