Skip to comments.Morford: What Are You, On Drugs?
Posted on 12/08/2004 8:33:37 AM PST by presidio9
The odds are very good that you are on drugs. Right now. This minute. As I type this and as you read this and as false Texas dictators rise and sad empires crumble and as this mad bewildered world spins in its frantically careening orbit, there's a nearly 50/50 chance that some sort of devious synthetic chemical manufactured by some massive and largely heartless corporation is coursing through your bloodstream and humping your brain stem and molesting your karma and kicking the crap out of your libido and chattering the teeth of your very bones.
Maybe it's regulating your blood pressure. Maybe it's keeping your cholesterol in check. Maybe it's helping you sleep. Maybe it's helping you wake the hell up. Maybe it's opening your bronchial tubes. Maybe it's brightening your terminally bleak outlook.
Maybe it's adjusting your hormone levels or controlling your urge to weep every minute or relaxing the blood vessels in your penis or cranking the serotonin to your brain or pumping carefully measured slugs of alprazolam or fluoxetine or sertraline or atorvastatin or esomeprazole or buspirone or venlafaxine or any number of substances with Latin-rooted jawbreaker names through your flesh in a bizarre dance of miraculous vaguely disturbing death-defying scientific wonder.
Forty-four percent of all Americans. That's the latest number. Almost half us are popping at least one prescription drug and fully one in six are popping three or more, and the numbers are only increasing and this of course doesn't count alcohol or cigarettes or bad porn and it doesn't count the mad megadoses of jingoistic flag-waving God-slappin' fear -- which is, as evidenced by the last election, a stupendously popular FDA-approved drug in its own right. But that's another column.
(Excerpt) Read more at sfgate.com ...
humping your brain stem and molesting your karmaThat's freakin hilarious!
Maybe it's keeping my sick ass alive too.
Judging from his writings, I suspect that drugs of some sort are the only thing keeping Mark Morford going.
Only if they were available by suppository.
Of the antibiotic variety no doubt.
I was thinking interferon myself, but I suspect there's an antibiotic or two in the cocktail somewhere.
You know, ever since I have joined, I have seen a few articles "written" by this cretin...I cannot believe he actually has a column! This guy has serious issues, and is obviously in need of some serious drugs himself. And NOT the kind you take to lower your cholesterol!
I dare everyone to read this sentence out loud. I bet you can't do it without passing out.
Maybe your ass wouldn't be sick if you weren't fifty pounds overweight.
Kids! Say no to Morford!
Ms. Morford preparing for another day at the typewriter.
Frank Booth: "Hey, tits, where's my f*ckin bourbon!"
Good answer, good answer. I'd be in trouble without my altace and avandamet, all washed down with a good slug of caffeine laced coffee.
Sorry Chief, I'm within my height and weight specs. its my kidneys that are the problem.
He lives on semen.
I had to dig through all the liberal anti-Bush stuff to find this but he makes a good point:
"But here's the thing: it's still only a fraction. Only a small number of people whose doctors prescribe these meds like candy actually need them, and as for the rest there are these things called lifestyle change and dietary change and perspective change and even spiritual shift that can affect the overall health of your life like a goddamn miracle, like a thousand drugs combined, changes that millions simply refuse to undertake because, well, it's just too damn hard."
He's right about this. Many people due to lifestyle or ignorance over a long period of time are in a situation where they have to take meds. Many other people don't need all the meds but wind up taking them anyway. The side effects of many popular meds are significant and those get largely overlooked when people make decisions about taking them.
Part of the issue also is the lousy dietary advice that's been floating around for so many years -- that high carbs, no meat is the healthiest choice. That's one of the reasons so many people have chronic health problems.
Conservatives are the people of personal responsibility. We should be the ones leading the effort for more healthy choices (note I said "choices", not gov't mandates about taxing Hardee's mega-cheeseburgers and such).
(Flame-retardant suit now firmly in place. . . . )
Yeah, his sentence structure is terrible and unreadable. He uses way WAY too many 'and..'. He does this in every column. I don't know if it's his 'style' to do it intentionally, or if he's just a really bad writer.
Attention! Do NOT eat the brown acid.
Except for the occasional good pipe tobacco, cigar and alcohol, I like to think that I am part of the population that doesn't take any drugs. While your post was funny it is interesting how dependent on chemicals we, as a country, have become. You also should mention the huge amount of chemicals in our food and beverages . A person eats lots of flavorings and preservatives which are in a sense drugs that make our food edible. There are also traces of the drugs given to the livestock such as growth hormones and antibiotics in some meat.
Just checked my height and weight and calculated my BMI
To be considered normal, I think I was about 12 years old when I weight that little.
At 18, I had a BMI of 29.8. I was obese with a 34" waist?
No wonder half the country is considered overweight.
I guess Miss Morford thinks we should go back to the good ol' days when we didn't have these drugs and the life expectancy was 47. After all, why would he care? As a gay man, that's about what his life expectancy is.
He careers about like a deflating balloon at the catnival. It's his style.
Well we all know Ms. Morford is on crack....
I just LIVE to run into some nut that actually lets a sentence like that out of their mouths....
Alright, who put the "T" that close to the "R"?
Take a look at some old family pictures from the 'fifties or earlier.
Notice how skinny everybody looks?
That's because food was expensive in those days, and they did not eat for entertainment.
maybe it is keeping the AIDS virus at bay, morford.
Hey, Morford, the odds are very good that you have someone's [deleted] up your [deleted]. Right now. This minute. As I type...
Gee, I have a BMI of 24.4. And I've just had two doctors tell me I need to put on weight. I can't wait to tell them what fools they are!
But in between her homoerotic rhetoric and her pathological love/hate relationship with G. W. Bush, she has a valid point ... lots of folks are stuffed to the gills with drugs to treat conditions that might better be alleviated by lifestyle changes (like getting up off their fat arses and moving a bit), then with drugs to alleviate the side effects of the first set of drugs, then with drugs to alleviate the interaction effects of the first two sets, then ...
Bwhahahahahaha!!! That's a sucker bet ...
Mark Morford ('nuff said)
Q: Do you think you have any fans that are politically conservative? Judging from your feedback, it seems they do read you!
A: "Fans," no. "Masochists," maybe. I have many regular hate-mailers, as I'm sure do most columnists. I have many regular flamers who still surprise me and occasionally write in with "normally I disagree with everything you say, but this time, you really nailed it." It's an odd phenom. People hate you but read you religiously. These are the people who, every single day, are actively seeking something to piss them off. And nowadays, they are legion.
Q: Describe your writing style. It's unconventional, often not grammatical. What's your formula?
A: Oh, man. I know what I strive for, but I also know I have a long way to go. It's an evolution. I suppose I aim for one part DeLillo, one part David Foster Wallace, one part old Tom Robbins, one part stream of consciousness, one part Peets mocha, one part post-coital flush, one part orgasmic syntax abuse, one part nipple pierce for the AP style guide. It lives at the intersection of Divine and Ungodly. Where the long snake moan meets the cool intellectual margarita. Wry informed satirical thought-provoking absolutely essential effluvia to make you squirm and blush and laugh and sigh. I hope. I fail all the time. But that's just part of the process. more of this inanity
Yeah, I've recently watched a family member get on the treadmill of taking one drug to combat something which was a lifestyle issue, then have to take another drug to combat side of effects of the first one, then wind up worse off than she originally was before taking the first drug!
So Bush is responsible for excessive pill-popping now? EEEEVIL CHIMP FORCES PROZAC DOWN MY THROAT HURR!
Equally unsurprising is the fact that Morford seems to think taking meth and cocaine is no big deal:
"...we ain't talking pot or ecstasy or meth or fine cocaine or Bud Light or any of those oh-my-God-not-my-baby devil drugs that are so demonized by the government, but that by and large are no more (and are often far less) toxic and addictive and caustic..."
Markie, I know you are, but what am I?
And to tell the truth, the only things humping my brain stem and molesting my karma are those Lindsay Lohan pictures in my memory...
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