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Election Night 2004 Blatherisms
Political Humor @ About.com ^ | 11/4/04 | add925

Posted on 11/04/2004 1:12:04 PM PST by add925

Search Political Humor Dan Ratherisms

The Wit and Wisdom of Dan Rather

Election Night 2004 | Election Night 2002 | Election Night 2000

Related Resources • Today's Quotes • Funny Political Quotes • Bushisms • Election 2004 Humor • Election 2002 Humor • Election 2000 Humor • Media Follies

Quotes from CBS Anchor Dan Rather on Election Night 2004 "Do you hear that knocking...President Bush's re-election is at the door."

"This race is hotter than the Devil's anvil."

"His lead is as thin as turnip soup."

"This race is humming along like Ray Charles."

"The presidential race is swinging like Count Basie."

"This race is hotter than a Times Square Rolex."

"Ohio becomes like a sauna for the two candidates. All they can do is wait and sweat."

(Excerpt) Read more at politicalhumor.about.com ...


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons; Politics/Elections
KEYWORDS: cbs; danblather; danrather; seebs
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They actually missed one: "George Bush is rolling like a combine through the plains states."

Hey Danno, did you enjoy your last moment in the sun?

1 posted on 11/04/2004 1:12:06 PM PST by add925
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To: add925

On the jimmy kimmel show last night they played a compilation of ratherisms from tuesday night. It was rather funny.


2 posted on 11/04/2004 1:13:53 PM PST by flashbunny (Every thought that enters my head requires its own vanity thread.)
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To: add925

also missed "whipping him like a rented Mule".


3 posted on 11/04/2004 1:14:21 PM PST by bluecollarman (??????)
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To: add925
My favorite:

"If frogs had side pockets they could carry sidearms, and they wouldn't be afraid of blacksnakes."

4 posted on 11/04/2004 1:14:46 PM PST by Slump Tester (John Kerry - When even your best still isn't good enough)
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To: add925
"This race is hotter than a Times Square Rolex."

I rather like that one. Only it should be: "CBS News is as phony as a Times Square Rolex." (But accurate, of course).

5 posted on 11/04/2004 1:15:17 PM PST by Maceman (It's no longer a blue world, Max!!)
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To: add925

I was hoping he would use that one from The Venture Bros. and say he was "working harder than a cat trying to bury a turd on a marble floor."


6 posted on 11/04/2004 1:16:41 PM PST by Dan Middleton (Hang on sloopy / Sloopy hang on / Hang on sloopy / Sloopy hang on / Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...)
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To: add925

"If you're John Kerry, your back is against the wall, you're shirttail's on fire, and the bill collector's knocking on your door."

Beautiful.


7 posted on 11/04/2004 1:17:06 PM PST by hsrazorback1 (G'night, John-Boy.)
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To: Dan Middleton

LOL!!!


8 posted on 11/04/2004 1:17:24 PM PST by add925 ("One World Government. " - Just Put on a 4 Year Wait List - Go GWB!)
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To: Maceman

Good one.


9 posted on 11/04/2004 1:19:02 PM PST by kk22tt (Joyous in Japan)
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To: add925

"Those exit polls were as bogus as, uh, well, nevermind."


10 posted on 11/04/2004 1:19:37 PM PST by Freemyland
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To: add925

Oh, I've been waiting for this. Thanks for posting them.


11 posted on 11/04/2004 1:20:05 PM PST by SilentServiceCPOWife (No one notices the water until the well runs dry.)
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To: add925

The "Count Basie" was actually a Freudien slip. He corrected himself to say something about the "swing state's count".


12 posted on 11/04/2004 1:21:10 PM PST by hallbrain
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To: flashbunny

Steve, E.D. and Brian played it this morning on "Fox and Friends", too, but E.D. wouldn't laugh because she said it was "mean" to laugh at poor Dan.


13 posted on 11/04/2004 1:22:04 PM PST by kimcar
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To: add925

Hey Dan - do you hear that knocking? Their coming to take you away.


14 posted on 11/04/2004 1:22:29 PM PST by capydick ("History does not long entrust the care of freedom to the weak or timid." --President Dwight Eisenho)
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To: add925
Rather should give his concession speech tonight, then resign. Then CBS should clean house. Then they have 4 years to prove they are not in the tank for the anti-American left.
15 posted on 11/04/2004 1:24:26 PM PST by Clump
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To: add925
This race is tight like a too-small bathing suit on a too-long ride home from the beach.

LOL This was my favorite.

16 posted on 11/04/2004 1:25:12 PM PST by SilentServiceCPOWife (No one notices the water until the well runs dry.)
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To: Maceman
I rather like that one. Only it should be: "CBS News is as phony as a Times Square Rolex." (But accurate, of course).

May I suggest: "CBS News is as phony as a Times Square Rolex." (And just as accurate).
17 posted on 11/04/2004 1:27:44 PM PST by NonLinear ("If not instantaneous, then extrordinarily fast" - Galileo re. speed of light. circa 1600)
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To: add925

Didn't he also say, "just because it looks like a chicken and has wings doesn't mean it'll fly"?


18 posted on 11/04/2004 1:29:44 PM PST by mondonico (Peace through Superior Firepower)
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To: SilentServiceCPOWife

I've been waiting for this, and I've been waiting for some thread about PBS election night coverage. Something about a coup, it was brought up last night on O'Reilly.


19 posted on 11/04/2004 1:32:09 PM PST by SoDak (Home of Senator John Thune)
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To: SilentServiceCPOWife

More importantly, Rather's co-workers were visibly in fear of him as the night went on. He refused to admit Bush had won Ohio, more than four hours after Fox had called it and three hours after NBC.
Ed Bradley very quietly went through the arithmetic and concluded it was over for Kerry and Rather glared at him, "Let me get this right, are you saying what I think you're saying, and you appear to be convinced of what you are saying, ..." Bradley looked at him like he was insane and went around him sideways, slowly doing the math all over again. Bob Schieffer clearly appeared to be dealing with a madman and every time Rather went to Leslie Stahl she was so nervous, she stammered time and again while trying to answer him.
It was must-see TV to watch this ideologue having to call the re-election victory of his worst enemy while his co-workers cringed in fear.
By the way, he stumbled through every one of those "Texisms." He wasn't the least bit smooth, or convincing.


20 posted on 11/04/2004 1:34:55 PM PST by jjmcgo
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