". . .you usually don't really love the greasy nasty piggish brute." I hope you're just making a bad joke.
I'm not so much making a bad joke, as I am expressing some of my pain and psychic wounding.
I am terribly sorry, Laz, that dreadful things have happened to you, and that you haven't experienced the lasting love of a fine woman. They're out there. Sometimes our own psychic pain keeps us finding and/or making contact with the people we most need to find. But please never doubt that there are good women, as many as there are good men.
I have faith that there are good men, despite deep hurt I've had.