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Because it is vitally important to Morford's ... er... choice of lifestyle that Jesus didn't really suffer like that for all of us. Because if he did, then maybe all that other stuff in the Bible is also true, and that would mean what Morford does behind closed doors (at least I hope he closes the door) is wrong. Not to mention all those other uncomfortable moral issues that come up. It's much easier for people like Morford if Jesus was just a nice guy who had some interesting ideas, because then it's ok to ignore him (or put words in his mouth) and not take seriously the idea that there might be a right and wrong way to live (note the multiple references to alcohol and general licentiousness, and ridicule).