Bush Admits Mistakes, Apologizes! (Humor)

Scrappleface ^ | April 14, 2004 | Scott Ott

[GreatOne]

(2003-04-14) -- In response to increasing pressure from White House reporters and Democrats, President George Bush today released a written statement admitting he has "made mistakes" and apologizing to the American people and the people of Iraq.

During last night's nationally-televised presidential news conference, Mr. Bush said he was unprepared for questions about his mistakes in office. He steadfastly refused to apologize for the 9/11 terror attacks, instead he again advanced the now-discredited theory that terrorists, not U.S. government officials, were to blame for the terrorism.

However, White House spokesman Scott McClellan said that "after much soul searching" last night, the president wrote the following confession and apology:

"I have made mistakes during my time in the White House. I frittered away months trying to convince the United Nations that it should free the Iraqi people from a brutal dictator who never fulfilled the terms of surrender from the Gulf War and who continued to fire upon Coalition aircraft patrolling the no-fly zone.

It was an error in judgment to think that the U.N. Security Council would ever do anything more than talk in moralistic platitudes. My desire to build an international coalition from nations like France and Germany only served to delay the inevitable liberation of Iraq. I apologize to the people of Iraq and others in the Arab world, yearning to breathe free, who have placed their hopes in the only superpower that has the will and the way to set them free.

This confession is good for the soul, so I would also like to admit that it was a mistake for me to keep Bill Clinton's counter-terrorism chief on my staff. I know now that Richard Clarke's presence in the White House was a knife hovering behind the shoulder blades of not only my staff, but of the American people who would later be betrayed by Mr. Clarke's desire for self-aggrandizement. I'm sorry for that.

I'd also like to admit that it was a mistake to think that I could make friends with the Democrats by pouring funding into their top political agency, the National Education Association, or by creating a huge new medicare prescription drug entitlement. I can see now that no matter how often and how much you feed an alligator, he's always looking past the food in your hand and hankering for your arm, your heart, your head. My mistake...and I'm truly sorry.

One last thing: In hindsight, it appears that I was premature in declaring an end to major combat operations in Iraq. I thought we had toppled the dictator. But as long as vermin like al-Sadr seek to glorify themselves, using false religion to oppress the people, the dictator lives on. He lives on in the hearts of the radical clerics who killed and then mutilated the bodies of Americans as surely as if their own hands were stained black from the charred flesh. I'm sorry that my statement caused some to believe that the war in Iraq had ended. It has continued for more than a decade and will not end until evil men like al-Sadr are purged and the cowl of fear is lifted from the face of the Iraqi people."

[GreatOne]

Okay - perhaps not qualified for breaking news, but posted there for the effect (so don't flog me too hard).

However, it would have been great for Bush to have said some of these things last night.

[BJClinton]

This should be in break...nevermind.

Seriously, funny article.

[GraniteStateConservative]

During last night's nationally-televised presidential news conference, Mr. Bush said he was unprepared for questions about his mistakes in office.

The question he got stuck on was "After 9/11, what would your biggest mistake be, would you say, and what lessons have you learned from it?" It wasn't about mistakes since inauguration. It was a fair question. It had nothing to do with Monday morning quarterbacking about what Bush should have done to stop 9/11.

[Admin Moderator]

Take your flogging like a man.

Whack!

[MrB]

And then we said to the UN, "if you don't do something about it, we will."

Great line in the speech last night.

[xzins]

You think it's a fair question to ask what mistakes he's made since 9/11?

What exactly do you find helpful for America, for his re-election, for him as a person about that question?

[GreatOne]

I agree with you wholeheartedly, in that Bush should have said SOMETHING. However, as aptly pointed out by an e-mailer to one of the columnists on NRO's "The Corner", if Bush had said something, the Kerry campaign has an instant commerical, and the headlines for today are essentially the title to my thread, and would be brought up constantly throughout the campaign.

[AgThorn]

I only wish that he would have said every word just as scrapple is reporting ...

[altura]

There were only two fair questions asked last night ... that wasn't one of them.

[cryptical]

"After 9/11, what would your biggest mistake be, would you say, and what lessons have you learned from it?"

My thought when I heard that is that it's probably classified... But it was bad form for his staff not to anticipate that question, and have a softball answer ready for him.

[GretchenEE]

fyi ;-)

[lilylangtree]

The president just reinforces my heroes are cowboys.

Try the website http://www.goodolddogs.com/cowboy_wh.html

[dansangel]

Thanks for the ping - great satire.

.45MAN - here's a smile for ya! :-)

[Arthur McGowan]

I believe Bush is actually a humble man who knows his failures and mistakes--but he also knows exactly what you've said--any explicit admission of an error is an instant Kerry commercial, and will be played 500 times a day for a week.

[Brasil]

100% spot on. These are the real mistakes made since 9/11.

[GraniteStateConservative]

So, that's the standard? Anything that actually is damaging or is made damaging by Kerry should be kept quiet? Would we tolerate that from X42?

[GraniteStateConservative]

So he can explain what he's learned from them. Employers ask that of applicants and employees all the time for rhat reason. He's our employee, not our king.

[There's millions of'em]

Now is not the time for President Bush to show any hint of weakness or 2d guessing. There will be time enough at some point in the future.

I think he should be supported and allowed a few clumsy moments in the harsh light of our domestic enemies.

[kitkat]

***100% spot on. These are the real mistakes made since 9/11***

WHAT were the mistakes? It was satire.

[kitkat]

*** He's our employee, not our king.***

He's neither our employee, nor our king. We elected him to the greatest responsibility on earth. We also gave him the responsibility to be Commander in Chief. He's the CEO of the country. And no CEO would dream of taking that kind of double-meaing questioning from the press.