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Jay Leno Finally Goes After Kerry
Newsmax ^
Posted on 03/23/2004 8:18:01 AM PST by GulliverSwift
Welcome to "The Tonight Show," the late-night television show preferred by 8 out of 10 foreign leaders. Which foreign leaders? I cant tell you, but they are supporting me.
Today the White House announced that were sending a company of soldiers to Kosovo to stop ethnic rioting there. So far weve sent troops to Afghanistan, Iraq, Haiti and now Kosovo. President Bush says his goal is to send as many soldiers oversees as we have jobs.
We make jokes about it, but the truth is the presidential election really offers a choice of two well-informed opposing positions on every issue they both happen to be John Kerry's, but still ...
As the presumptive Democratic nominee, Kerry is protected by the Secret Service. Im not saying Kerrys boring, but his Secret Service code name is "Al Gore."
Hes quite an athlete they showed him snowboarding. Hes in Idaho and hes snowboarding. Did you see him on the news? He is pretty good. Hes a good snowboarder. Did you see him? He was going downhill faster than Howard Dean.
One of Kerrys advisers once said theres really "two John Kerrys." Theres "indoor John," who agonizes over decisions, and "outdoor John," who takes bold, decisive action.
Outdoor John isnt that a port-o-potty?
TOPICS: News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: 2004; endorsements; foreignleaders; kerry; ketchup; leno
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This is from Friday. For the first time ever, he started the program with seven anti-Kerry jokes.
![](http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/ap/20040322/capt.kbs10103222219.kerry_homes_kbs101.jpg)
This is one of Ketchup boy's--actuallly Ketchup girl's--houses.
To: GulliverSwift
That must be his Idaho digs.........?
2
posted on
03/23/2004 8:20:41 AM PST
by
EggsAckley
(....."I see the idiot is here"............)
To: EggsAckley
No, that's outside of Pittsburgh, PA I believe.
3
posted on
03/23/2004 8:22:52 AM PST
by
billorites
(freepo ergo sum)
To: EggsAckley
Yeah, that one's in PA. The one Ketchup boy owns by himself, is the Outdoor John.
4
posted on
03/23/2004 8:24:19 AM PST
by
GulliverSwift
(Keep the <a href="http://www.johnkerry.com/">gigolo</a> out of the White House!)
To: GulliverSwift
Tsk. I fully expect to see many protesters outside of his home, asking to make it a homeless shelter.
Right?
5
posted on
03/23/2004 8:25:50 AM PST
by
TheBigB
(Allah can kiss my @ss.)
To: EggsAckley
![](http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/ap/20040322/capt.wx10803222102.kerry_homes_wx108.jpg)
This is the Idaho home. It's in Ketchup, actually Ketchum, Idaho.
6
posted on
03/23/2004 8:27:18 AM PST
by
GulliverSwift
(Keep the <a href="http://www.johnkerry.com/">gigolo</a> out of the White House!)
To: TheBigB
Lots of homeless shelters.
From a sailing mecca to a ski resort, presumptive Democratic nominee John Kerry (news - web sites) and his wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry, enjoy the trappings of their wealth in at least five homes and vacation getaways across the country valued at nearly $33 million.
7
posted on
03/23/2004 8:28:40 AM PST
by
GulliverSwift
(Keep the <a href="http://www.johnkerry.com/">gigolo</a> out of the White House!)
To: GulliverSwift
Truly a man of the working class.
8
posted on
03/23/2004 8:29:54 AM PST
by
TheBigB
(Allah can kiss my @ss.)
To: GulliverSwift
Actually, it looks like that second one is against Bush. So they're not all ant-Kerry to start out.
9
posted on
03/23/2004 8:32:06 AM PST
by
GulliverSwift
(Keep the <a href="http://www.johnkerry.com/">gigolo</a> out of the White House!)
To: GulliverSwift
?!?!
![](http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/ap/20040322/capt.kbs10103222219.kerry_homes_kbs101.jpg)
THAT'S a house?! There are townships smaller than that!
Dang..
10
posted on
03/23/2004 8:32:30 AM PST
by
CygnusXI
(Where's that dang Meteor already?)
To: GulliverSwift
![](http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/ap/20040322/capt.kbs10103222219.kerry_homes_kbs101.jpg)
John Kerry, man of the people....
11
posted on
03/23/2004 8:32:44 AM PST
by
smith288
(Who would terrorists want for president? 60% say Kerry 25% say Bush... Who would you vote for?)
To: TheBigB
He is a model for us all. Any man can sleep his way to wealth and riches.
John Qaerry would be perfect as the new "cabana boy" on Fox's Mad TV (if they still had that scene).
To: GulliverSwift
Hey... those are pretty funny lines! I am never up for late night TV, but the few times I've seen the political jokes flying, for or against the right or the left.. I have to admit... they are usually pretty close to the mark. These are no exception. Thanks for the laugh. The sad thing is that there is a HUGE audience of Americans that ONLY see those TV hosts interpretation of politics and take it all for gospel. Its how they formulate their vote. Scary.
To: smith288
I was thinking the same thing! I'm sure he can feel our pain, too!
14
posted on
03/23/2004 8:43:51 AM PST
by
Polyxene
(Too bad ignorance isn't painful.)
To: GulliverSwift
Someone ought to post pics of all Kerry's houses in one place...a new Registered project?
To: CygnusXI
![](http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/ap/20040322/lthumb.wx10703221935.kerry_homes_wx107.jpg)
This is a view of the Georgetown home of Democratic presidential candidate Sen. John Kerry (news - web sites), D-Mass., and his wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry, on O Street NW in the Georgetown area of Washington, D.C.
![](http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/ap/20040322/lthumb.wx10503221934.kerry_homes_wx105.jpg)
Pedestrians pass by the Beacon Hill home of Democratic presidential candidate, Sen. John Kerry (news - web sites) and his wife Teresa Heinz Kerry, as a Secret Service agent stands in the doorway in Boston
16
posted on
03/23/2004 8:47:41 AM PST
by
GulliverSwift
(Keep the <a href="http://www.johnkerry.com/">gigolo</a> out of the White House!)
To: GulliverSwift
I won't begrudge the man his cash; I will ridicule the idea he is somehow more in touch with people than our president is.
17
posted on
03/23/2004 8:48:52 AM PST
by
Mr. Bird
To: GulliverSwift
That looks like my house in the upper-left corner.
18
posted on
03/23/2004 8:53:35 AM PST
by
decimon
To: GulliverSwift
How many John Kerrys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five, at least.
One to screw in the bulb.
One to screw it back out.
One to ask France for permission.
One to go to the United Nations and kiss butt.
And one to tell everybody that he served in Vietnam.
*Thanks to Mark Steyn article for giving me the idea.
19
posted on
03/23/2004 8:54:59 AM PST
by
Edit35
To: dyno35
And one two accuse the lightbulb of murdering children in Vietnam.
20
posted on
03/23/2004 8:59:17 AM PST
by
GulliverSwift
(Keep the <a href="http://www.johnkerry.com/">gigolo</a> out of the White House!)
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