Jay Leno Finally Goes After Kerry

Newsmax ^

[GulliverSwift]

Welcome to "The Tonight Show," the late-night television show preferred by 8 out of 10 foreign leaders. Which foreign leaders? I can’t tell you, but they are supporting me.

Today the White House announced that we’re sending a company of soldiers to Kosovo to stop ethnic rioting there. So far we’ve sent troops to Afghanistan, Iraq, Haiti and now Kosovo. President Bush says his goal is to send as many soldiers oversees as we have jobs.

We make jokes about it, but the truth is the presidential election really offers a choice of two well-informed opposing positions on every issue – they both happen to be John Kerry's, but still ...

As the presumptive Democratic nominee, Kerry is protected by the Secret Service. I’m not saying Kerry’s boring, but his Secret Service code name is "Al Gore."

He’s quite an athlete – they showed him snowboarding. He’s in Idaho and he’s snowboarding. Did you see him on the news? He is pretty good. He’s a good snowboarder. Did you see him? He was going downhill faster than Howard Dean.

One of Kerry’s advisers once said there’s really "two John Kerrys." There’s "indoor John," who agonizes over decisions, and "outdoor John," who takes bold, decisive action.

Outdoor John – isn’t that a port-o-potty?

[GulliverSwift]

This is from Friday. For the first time ever, he started the program with seven anti-Kerry jokes.

This is one of Ketchup boy's--actuallly Ketchup girl's--houses.

[EggsAckley]

That must be his Idaho digs.........?

[billorites]

No, that's outside of Pittsburgh, PA I believe.

[GulliverSwift]

Yeah, that one's in PA. The one Ketchup boy owns by himself, is the Outdoor John.

[TheBigB]

Tsk. I fully expect to see many protesters outside of his home, asking to make it a homeless shelter.

Right?

[GulliverSwift]

This is the Idaho home. It's in Ketchup, actually Ketchum, Idaho.

[GulliverSwift]

Lots of homeless shelters.

From a sailing mecca to a ski resort, presumptive Democratic nominee John Kerry (news - web sites) and his wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry, enjoy the trappings of their wealth in at least five homes and vacation getaways across the country valued at nearly $33 million.

[TheBigB]

Truly a man of the working class.

[GulliverSwift]

Actually, it looks like that second one is against Bush. So they're not all ant-Kerry to start out.

[CygnusXI]

?!?!

THAT'S a house?! There are townships smaller than that!
Dang..

[smith288]

John Kerry, man of the people....

[Sgt_Schultze]

He is a model for us all. Any man can sleep his way to wealth and riches.

John Qaerry would be perfect as the new "cabana boy" on Fox's Mad TV (if they still had that scene).

[Integrityrocks]

Hey... those are pretty funny lines! I am never up for late night TV, but the few times I've seen the political jokes flying, for or against the right or the left.. I have to admit... they are usually pretty close to the mark. These are no exception. Thanks for the laugh. The sad thing is that there is a HUGE audience of Americans that ONLY see those TV hosts interpretation of politics and take it all for gospel. Its how they formulate their vote. Scary.

[Polyxene]

I was thinking the same thing! I'm sure he can feel our pain, too!

[muleskinner]

Someone ought to post pics of all Kerry's houses in one place...a new Registered project?

[GulliverSwift]

This is a view of the Georgetown home of Democratic presidential candidate Sen. John Kerry (news - web sites), D-Mass., and his wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry, on O Street NW in the Georgetown area of Washington, D.C.

Pedestrians pass by the Beacon Hill home of Democratic presidential candidate, Sen. John Kerry (news - web sites) and his wife Teresa Heinz Kerry, as a Secret Service agent stands in the doorway in Boston

[Mr. Bird]

I won't begrudge the man his cash; I will ridicule the idea he is somehow more in touch with people than our president is.

[decimon]

That looks like my house in the upper-left corner.

[Edit35]

How many John Kerrys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five, at least.

One to screw in the bulb.
One to screw it back out.
One to ask France for permission.
One to go to the United Nations and kiss butt.
And one to tell everybody that he served in Vietnam.

*Thanks to Mark Steyn article for giving me the idea.

[GulliverSwift]

And one two accuse the lightbulb of murdering children in Vietnam.