Nazi raccoons conquer Europe

Ananova ^ | 03/09/04 | Ananova

[Pikamax]

Nazi raccoons conquer Europe

Raccoons released by Hermann Goering in Germany in 1934 to "enrich the Reich's fauna" are threatening to succeed where their Nazi benefactors failed by conquering Europe.

They have become so successful that German authorities revealed this week that raccoon numbers are now at record levels - with more than a million in Germany alone.

In neighbouring Austria the first raccoons have also been spotted and info leaflets have been dispatched warning people against feeding or encouraging the North American natives.

Plans are being discussed to employ "raccoon hunters" to try and reduce the scale of the problem and put a bounty on raccoon pelts.

The first pair of raccoons were released at Kassel, in the wooded hill country north of Frankfurt, where there are now 100 raccoons per square kilometre - the same density as North America.

Residential homes in Kassel resemble fortresses with mesh wire covering all openings and spikes defending drainpipes and gutters. Rubbish bins are secured with bungee cords or padlocks.

Kassel has hired an animal control officer whose sole duty is to patrol the streets in search of raccoons and answer residents' appeals for help.

The city has even paid zoologists from a nearby university to tag and study raccoons in a bid to determine the scope of the problem.

"Kassel is definitely the raccoon capital of Europe," says Ulf Hohmann, head of the raccoon study project. "I'd say 50% of the residents here have had close encounters with raccoons, some of them on a repeated or even regular basis.

"Our job is to educate the public about these marvellous animals as we study their true impact on the European environment."

[Bismarck]

Well, then let's suggest a Hillbilly solution to the Germans: Don't feed the racoons... EAT THEM! They taste like chicken.

[CasearianDaoist]

Maybe we should start a coonhound export business. That'll keep them Krauts busy.

[prion]

They released them on purpose? That was stupid. Raccoons are remarkably adaptable and smart. This was inevitable.

[Mears]

Where did Goering introduce them from? I just assumed they were all over Europe,the same as they are here.

Smart little buggers,though,the way they get into the rubbish.

[Bismarck]

Ehem.... do you really need to use the word "Kraut"? It's 2004, not 1944.

[dighton]

Caught between a raccoon and a hard shell.

Stalin's last army - hordes of gigantic crabs on their way to invade Europe

[colorado tanker]

I wonder if Granny on the Beverly Hillbillies has a good recipe for Raccoon.

[Khurkris]

Train 'em. Make the little opposable thumb buggers earn their keep.

[ZULU]

They wouldn't have coon problems if they let their people have guns.

By the way, if they don't like the coons, we can send them some bars. Got a passel of them around herabouts too!!

Good thing they didn't have any back in 1900. Sgt. York started out ashootin 'em afore he graduated to Germans. They might have learned how to shoot back!!

[Khurkris]

Surf & Turf 2004!

[Sabertooth]

Ehem.... do you really need to use the word "Kraut"? It's 2004, not 1944.

I have German ancestry, and I don't mind "Kraut" in the least.

[Slicksadick]

Send in Fess Parker...

[Bismarck]

Many people do...

Please: NO profanity, NO personal attacks, NO racism or violence in posts.

[CasearianDaoist]

Ehem.... do you really need to use the word "Kraut"? It's 2004, not 1944.

Are you sure about that? (I am part German BTW.)

[ZULU]

Not as dumb as releasing Japanese Beetles or Starlings and English Sparrows over here.

[ZULU]

(I am part German BTW.)

WHICH part???

(Sorry, I couldn't resist.)

[SevenDaysInMay]

Today is closer to 1937.

The Mistress of History is about to bitch slap this fascist (aka criminally corrupt socialist) controlled utopian world back to its senses.

Oily Jihadies are but the Meccanized Waffen SS of the 21st Century on the hunt for die Juden and the other infedels. France is already administered by Saddamn bought Vichy Frenchmen temporarily occupying Paris, the capital of Eurabia.

[CasearianDaoist]

My sense of humor.

[Bismarck]

I have seldom read so much nonsense... comparing current Germany to the Third Reich only shows your shameless ignorance. For good or bad, most Germans of nowadays are harmless peaceniks and self-righteous liberals.