Posted on 01/20/2004 8:41:22 AM PST by NotchJohnson
IOWA EARTHQUAKE: KERRY FINISHES FIRST, DEAN MELTDOWN
As suicide hotlines all over the country were flooded with distraught Deanie babies, John Kerry finished first in Iowa, followed by multi-millionaire trial lawyer John Edwards. Bringing up third place is the ever-angry Howard Dean. Richard Gephardt finished fourth and is, therefore, finished. The top three finishers now head to New Hampshire, where Weasley Clark and Joe Leiberman are waiting for next Tuesday's primary.
This is going to get very interesting, because of the relatively tight timetable. After New Hampshire, there's John Edwards' home state of South Carolina and a handful of others, then Super Tuesday on March 2nd. The Democrats want to chose their candidate as soon as they possibly can so they can get on with the campaign against Bush.
We're going to find out how strong the former general ... you know, the one who was fired because of integrity and character issues ... is in New Hampshire. The better Clark looks the more Bill and Hillary will start to sweat. At what point will they pull the plug on their stalking horse? That leaves Senators Kerry, Edwards and Lieberman as the only alternatives. One is a Massachusetts liberal, the other a former ambulance-chasing trial lawyer and one was the Democratic loser just 4 years ago. On top of that, they're all very boring. Will Kerry end up being the candidate? I particularly like that story about how John Kerry threw his Bronze Star over the fence into the White House grounds during a Vietnam War protest. Later we find out that Kerry lied. He didn't really throw his medal .. he tossed something else instead. Ahhh ... another honest Democrat.
No ... I'm not feeling particularly cocky here. My absolute, number-one issue in this campaign is our security. We are in the middle of World War IV, the war against Islamic terrorism. Domestic issues remain important, but all fall behind the war on terrorism. It is insanity to entrust our national security to a Democrat, but there are many people in this nation who put their own access to taxpayer funds and government programs far above any concerns they have about terrorism. These people can be counted on to vote only for the candidate who promises the freest access to the national treasury. On the other side we have conservative and libertarian voters who are so disgusted with Bush's orgy of domestic spending that they just don't have the heart to go to the polls.
When November comes, just ask yourself: WWOVF? Who would Osama Vote For? It's a question worth asking.
My own theory is that he is a direct beneficiary of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy and the other Generals are aware of his proclivities. If its not this then, I would guess something along the lines of using his rank to get sex.
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