I didn't realize I was struggling with anything.
You admitted yourself living in fear of being struck down by sins you hadn't confessed/committed in ignorance. That's not a relationship with God. That is what Christianity is supposed to be. Without faith it is impossible to please God. Therefore, whether you realized it or not, you were struggling with assurance of salvation, struggling with understanding mercy and forgiveness and just how much God loves you in spite of the mistakes we make.