Posted on 03/30/2015 5:40:41 PM PDT by 2ndDivisionVet
Texas Senator Ted Cruz has become the first Republican to eschew the phony exploratory phase and announce an actual presidential campaign. Rand Paul is apparently next. But as every political pooh-bah knows, the 2016 presidential contest has been underway for months, maybe even years. As this is written, in fact, several hotly contested GOP primaries already have commencedprimaries that will go a long way toward determining the Republican nominee, despite the painfully quaint notion that the voters of Iowa and New Hampshire will get the first say.
Here, then, in no particular order, is a voters guide to some of the real 2016 contestsand who is currently leading them.
The Laura Ingraham Primary
There are other top radio talkers, but few are more effective in their crusades than Laura Ingraham, the lawyer and best-selling author. Shes both unrelenting and effective, and she has proven unusually influential with a fervent fan base numbering in the millions. Among her previous victims: Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers, immigration reform proposals and their supporters, and a growing list of establishment politicians in the GOP. Its thanks to Ingraham that people have a hard time remembering who Eric Cantor was.
Her newest nemesis is Jeb Bush, or, as she calls him in her typical low-key style, that crony capitalist disaster. Already shes suggested he serve as Hillary Clintons running mate because their views are so similar. Shes mocked both his wealth and his wifes extravagant tastes by asking an audience, What woman doesnt like a man who gives her a blank check at Tiffanys? and then suggesting that the Bush campaign theme song should be Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend. Her website features the Jebbernaut, a regular tracking of his moves and utterances, and Bushs latest outrages are a recurring feature on an entirely separate blog on the same page.
Although there are a number of candidates she views favorably, such as Scott Walker, of late shes been particularly helpful to Cruz, urging him to take on Bush more aggressively, praising him to her listeners when he does so and even outlining the Texans path to victory.
The more conservative candidates can use someone like her, since their reception in other GOP-leaning outlets is not always so favorable. As for Bush, the only hope he has of cooling Ingrahams pursuit is to get the Democrats to nominate Vladimir Putin.
The Memoir Primary
As a general rule, nobody reads political memoirs anymorenot even their authors. But on those few occasions when a political book is well-crafted and does sell well, it can be a telling sign of genuine grass-roots enthusiasm.
Herman Cains 2012 book tour was so successful, for example, that many people almost thought he was serious about running for president. His book had the second best title in memoir historyThis is Herman Cain!augmented not only with an exclamation point but also a delightfully delusional subtitle, My Path to the White House. (For those wondering, the best memoir title ever was the ingenious A Book by Desi Arnaz. Whos going to argue with that?)
So far in 2016, unfortunately, the standard political memoir has proved to be just that. Walkers effort was deemed a banal dud. Hillary Clintons was labeled a bomb. Others, like Jeb Bushs, have also faced lackluster sales.
All is not lost for the memoir, however. Mike Huckabees latest is doing better than most. It has maybe the third best title in historyGod, Guns, Grits, Gays, and Gravy. Although now that I look at it, I think I added one too many g words to that title. Wonder which one doesnt fit ...
Still, the standout so farand by farhas been Ben Carson, whose new memoir has sold a reported 350,000 copies. (The others average around 15,000-20,000.) Which means whatever hes selling, somebodys buyinga phenomenon more puzzling than the Big Mac fitness suit.
Which brings us to ...
The Ben Carson Primary
Book sales aside, every Republican knowseven Ben Carson knowsthat despite his remarkable performance in recent polls, the only scenario in which the accomplished neurosurgeon is the GOP nominee begins with: All the other candidates are in a plane that disappears over the Bermuda Triangle.
This reality has nothing to do with his race or his not knowing what the Israeli Knesset is, or his stating that his favorite former Treasury secretary was Andrea Mitchells husband, who, by the way, is named Alan Greenspan and was never a Treasury secretary, or for his uncharitably calling the president of the United States a psychopath. Though, admittedly, none of theseshall we call them misstatements?helped anything but his wallet.
Still, the simple fact is that Carson will not be the first person since Dwight D. Eisenhower to win the White House without ever having served in any other public office. And General Eisenhower, if memory serves, happened to have had a few achievements under his belt that showed his management expertise.
But because Carson has energized a not-insignificant segment of Republican voterswho apparently dont care that he compares America to Nazi Germanyall the other GOP contenders will go to great lengths to court him, praise him and hopefully win over his supporters when he eventually drops out. This is, in its way, a compliment to the neophyte candidate. After all, no candidate is going to ever worry about courting George Pataki.
The Medias Favorite Republican Primary
Note to Readers: This will be the first and last time you see anyone write the following in 2016: Lindsey Graham is winning a primary.
Most media types dont think much of Grahams foreign policy views, but they love someone who seems to be having a good timeand at other Republicans expense. To date, Graham has proved to be a South Carolina Soupy Salescharming, self-deprecating and always leaving reporters laughing. At a recent New Hampshire breakfast, for example, he poked fun at Ted Cruzs place of birth. Cruz couldnt be here because hes building a fence up on the Canadian border keeping his family out. He then told the audience that they should be glad the well-heeled Jeb Bush wasnt present because it would [cost you] $10,000 a plate.
Basking in the love of the D.C. media doesnt usually help a Republican candidate. Their favorite in 2000 was John McCain, who, of course, lost to George W. Bush. In 2012, it was Jon Huntsman, who fell behind Michele Bachmann and None of the Above. But it can help a candidate get more attention and respect than he might otherwise receive as an also-ran. And there are always those who say that, well, you never know, with his genial smile and his penchant for laughs, lightning could strike for the South Carolina senator. (It wont.)
The Dreaded Who-Would-You-Want-to-Have-a-Beer-With Primary
Every four years, some bored pollster goes to regular people and asks them stupid questions that are supposed to be relevant to their choice for president. I think this whole thing started in 1996, after Bob Dole suggested that parents might not trust their kids with a scandal-plagued Bill Clinton, so why trust him with the presidency. (Valid point.) Voters then were asked if theyd rather have Bill Clinton or Bob Dole babysit their daughtersand Bill Clinton won! (Second place was probably Woody Allen.)
These days, the big question is usually some variation of Which of these candidates would you rather have a beer with? The idea apparently being that people vote for the candidate with whom they seem personally most comfortable.
Personally, I prefer my presidents the old-fashioned way: aloof, imperial and not remotely interested in slow jamming the news with Jimmy Fallon.
As pertains to the 2016 crop, the most obvious answer is that you wouldnt want to have a beer with any of them, unless you enjoy conversations over a cold one on amendments to appropriations bills, the yarn Chuck Grassley shared during an Agriculture hearing, or the latest hijinks on C-SPAN.
I dont know quite what it says about 2016 that, so far, the salt-of-the-earth candidate Id be most interested in sharing a Miller Lite with is Donald Trump. Just be sure to bring a birth certificate. (Yes, hes back on that again.)
The Drudge Primary
Few truly understand the inner workings of the inscrutable and influential Matt Drudgewhich is just fine by him. By all accounts, Drudge does not care one whit about appeasing the chattering classes of the nations capital. Indeed, the more that candidates and their flacks try to ingratiate themselves with him, the less he seems to like it.
In 2012, the Drudge Report was merciless on some of the GOP contenders, highlighting, for example, allegations against Newt Gingrich by an ex-wife on the eve of the South Carolina primary.
So far this year, one candidate seems to be in the Internet impresarios cross hairsthe aforementioned Mr. Bushwhile another (Walker) seems to have won positive attention.
But dont count on either of those lasting for long. Or do count on it. Who knows?
The Misty Watercolored Memories Primary
And, of course, every year, there are candidates who improve their standing by not running at all. Past winners of that title have included Colin Powell, Condi Rice, Jeb Bush (ironically enough) and Donald Trump. (Just kidding about that last one.)
This year, as he continues his whenever-he-feels-like-talking media tour, Mitt Romney is the man to beat for the candidate most people wish would run. Will this change his mind about the race? Stranger things have happened, like tying a dog to the roof of a car. But I digress.
may I offer that I sense that the author seems to have had far too much time on their hands...and evidently has a very strong penchant for voluminous amounts of coffee??
I can see Politico Magazine Death camps from my back yard.
I almost really can see FEMA Region VI headquarters from my backyard.
some of this space-filler is almost worth reading. This wasn’t.
This article should be deemed “Not worthy to be posted on Free Republic.”
What part didn’t you like?
What part didnt you like?
Let’s put it this way, the article needs refining.
Not your best post.
You do understand that I don’t write these articles, right?
You don’t? Oh.
That’s the most “entertaining” read I’ve had in a long time. Loved it.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.