Posted on 09/25/2023 8:53:59 PM PDT by Captain Peter Blood
We all have sad stories to tell occasionally and I have one.
I have a friend I known for well over 40 years and she has always been fun to be around and we have stayed in touch all this time on and off.
Until about a year ago I had no idea she was a committed, hard core, alcoholic. The last two years she had been talking about a decline in her health. She had taken the Covid vaccines and at least one booster and I was fearful this caused her to have some adverse effects.
But the surprise was a year ago when she saw another doctor she had been sent to because her PCP thought she needed to have her Gall Bladder out. In my opinion her PCP is incompetent for not being able to diagnose the fact she had Liver Cancer. The surgeon she saw looked at her test file and saw right away she Stage 4 Liver Cancer and that she needed to get treatment.
It was then she admitted she was a alcoholic to me. Now she had told a few years earlier she had a substance abuse problem and had been addicted to Benadryl and I now think she was drinking during that addiction also.
So she gets help and starts seeing doctors that hopefully can help her. She claimed she had seen the error of her ways and was committed to getting better and hopefully would be able to get on a Liver transplant list.
The thing was she never got any better, in fact she got worse. She could not put any weight on and is now skin and bones at 87 pounds. She claims she has a blood clot on her pancreas and just recently was diagnosed with two ulcer’s and the lining of her stomach has been destroyed by Alcohol abuse.
You see she never quit drinking, even with all she was told she could not do it. Three weeks ago she was in a auto accident, she hit someone from behind and fortunately no one was hurt and only her car had damage.
But the state police were involved because the accident happened on the Interstate. She claimed they did not have a field sobriety test kit, then she refused to take a blood test. Finally she was arrested and compelled to give a urine sample, results of which I don’t know yet.
I have caught her in several lies about the drinking, long story short ,she just never gave up alcohol. She is married and evidently her husband finally found out about it and her attitude was I will go get help at AA.
Sadly I believe we are well past any help from AA or anyone else. I feel she is too far gone and I have no doubt she will go back to drinking, presuming she quits at all.
On top of this I find out she is on Tramadol which is Opiate pain killer. The only reason I can think of for her to be on that is that her body is shutting down slowly and the pain will only get worse.
I frankly can’t see her being able to last for very long in this situation. I give her maybe 6 months, but that may be way too generous. No one knows how these things will go until they happen.
Sadly, all the alcoholics I knew ended up with cirrhosis of the liver. The party is over at that point.
Your friend has made a choice.
A friend of mine made that same choice.
He was told that if he quit drinking they would put him on the transplant list and he told them to F off.
Now he is dead, and dead due to his own choices.
I was not mad at him, I just thought his choices were really stupid.
Also liver failure is one of the worst ways to go, you develop ascites (water in the abdominal cavity) severe itching from increased billirubin levels which can get so bad that you scratch down to the subcutaneous level. You also can develop wernicke-korsakoff syndrome from poor diet along with psychosis from increased ammonia levels. Not to mention that your genitals shrink and your breasts enlarge due to low testosterone levels.
I say this with no malice in my heart. I’ve lived with this and seen both friends and family utterly destroy themselves AND anyone around them with drugs and alcohol.
Walk away. As painful as it is, you simply have to.
It’s a matter of self defense.
L
I lost a close friend just this way. It broke my heart being unable to help him. It was over 30 years ago that he died, and I still remember him with sorrow and regret. I don’t feel like sharing the stories; just wanted to say that I understand the anguish you feel. And also your friend’s anguish. Don’t be angry with your friend. It won’t help, and will only sour your memories of a loved one. I’m really sorry for you.
I appreciate your advice on this. I suppose, as it goes alcoholics tend to lie and lie a lot. I have called her and way too many lies at this point. I would imagine if someone were to search her premises they would probably find a few stashes of vodka put away. Thanks I appreciate everything.
I’m not going to be angry. I’m just going to take it as it is because there’s nothing else I can do.
There is no dealing with alcoholics until they stop drinking.
If she has lived this long, she can make a choice to stop drinking if she has the strength and discipline. But I can tell you the vaccines may not be overcome. My mom was on the verge of death from alcohol but when she was confronted with her own demise... 1 year to a liver transplant... she quit drinking and 3 months later she was healed... Your body either can handle it or it can’t. Now for the vax... you need to detox and there are lots of protocols to get you out of that. The vax is deadlier than booze in my opinion. My step mother was killed by the vaccine, highly recommend you follow Dr. Dr. Joseph Mercola and Edward Dowd. We have been poisoned and the most evil people who ever walked the face of the earth poisoned us. And they know it by the way.
My brother is now alcohol free for about 2 years. However during brief periods of sobriety in the past he would often come across pint bottles of booze he had hidden around the house and garage that he did not remember buying.
For some folks I’ve known, one is too many and a hundred not enough.
Some found rock bottom, saw the light, and made it back from the abyss.
Sadly, too many never made it, and are among the dear departed.
Trump is the best example of a life without alcohol.
For heavy users, it just breaks down organs over time.
Give her the Gospel ... in love.
It’s not too late for that.
I come from a family of alcoholics. I’m the only one who can have a drink now and then and not even think about booze in between. Actually forgot I had 3 bottles of wine in the house. Ended up giving them away.
It’s a well-known saying that Alcoholics have three choices: They get sober, they lose their minds, or they die. My sister got sober at a very young age, the pillar of AA for decades. My father and son died. My mother lost her mind, Korsakov’s Syndrome, which means her brain fried. She was a very beautiful, intelligent woman but just couldn’t quit.
Please get your friend to AA immediately. Probably have to call a local chapter and have an “intervention,” which means they come over to the alcoholic’s house and basically tell them how to live every day, one day at a time. And keep coming over. Sometimes it works.
A wealthy couple my sis knew in AA quit for quite awhile, then the wife told her hubby she wanted to drink more than anything and didn’t care if she ended up on skid row, which she managed to do.
You can offer only so much help. Sad.
Best advice I’ve seen in this thread.
As a recovering alocholic (date of sobriety 2/17/91) the only thing that could save her now is going to in-patient rehab where nurses and a doctor can take care of her with her detox and cancer. Most are 12 Step rehabs that include therapy that can begin her on her journey if she wants. For me, I couldn’t get sober at home - I had to be away from my environment and away from alcohol. But....I wanted to get sober and cried when admitted and cried when I left after a month. Rehab saved my life. It’s tough and I know many who wouldn’t do what was needed and are either in dead, jail, or instituted. It didn’t take me long to realize that if you want to get sober, you will. If you don’t, you won’t. Also, it’s harder on the families and friends than it is the person. Thank God they have Alanon to attend.
Lost a close friend a few weeks ago due to alcoholism. His liver was failing and other organs began to fail.
I recommend Al-Anon.
You already know you can’t fix your friend, but there you will be able to meet and talk with people in the same predicament as you.
I think it would help.
Stage 4 Liver Cancer?
You’re probably right with your estimate of 6 months to live.
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