[Gen.Blather]

My former Marine buddy put an air conditioner in his tiny garden shed. I asked why, since there is plenty of room in his house for most projects. He said, “When Ali is on a tear about something, I go out and sand something.” I said, “What?” He said, “anything.”

[DannyTN]

How about #1 He says I’m mad and you and explains why in hopes you won’t do it again.

[TopDog2]

Lies to you. Tells you that you don’t look fat in that dress.

[Seruzawa]

2 and 3 together are perfect.

[Pollard]

He says "I love you": But there doesn't seem to be much passion behind it because he's probably just saying it because he's supposed to because he's clearly furious at you.

My wife would call me from her cell phone and phone calls always had to end with I love you. Problem is, she might call four times in an hour.

[KarlInOhio]

He's making that face like he's thinking about something but when you ask what he's thinking about he just says "Pancakes": Nice try, buddy! Who looks off into the distance and thinks about nothing but pancakes?! He must be thinking about other women.

It could be worse. He might be thinking about pancakes and sausages.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

He's nice to a waitress: Anything less than barked orders and brusque dismissals is flirtation – a slow fade into a full-blown affair with the Applebee's server.

Funny, my mom told me that you should always look at how a man treats the servers. If he is polite and kind to them he will probably be polite and kind to you.

So a guy who was impolite to the waitress would never get a second date from me.

[usconservative]

He's always doing yardwork: Another classic "tell" that he doesn't want to spend time with you.

That one usually worked for me.. that or be in the garage working on my Monte Carlo SS while having a cigar and a few beers.

[Ruy Dias de Bivar]

I remember, when I was driving, my wife saying “You’re mad at me aren’t you!
Me: No I am not mad.
She: Well you are not talking to me!
Me: No, I am watching out for the traffic!
she: Well you are sure not talking!
Me: I don’t have anything to say.
(Then she really gets mad.)

[DCBryan1]

#10...comes home late smelling like bubblegum, cigarettes’, and covered in glitter.

[Deplorable American1776]

30 miles in rush hour traffic to that Fresh Organic Paymore store that you always go to because the grain-free noodles made of cauliflower are super healthy

LOL... PAYMORE... Love it...