Old jokes. Funny, but old.
Except for the schnauzer joke and the D-d-duh-duh-David joke.
New ones to me. Very funny.
I’ll be sharing some, they are quite funny. Thanks :)
Worst Day of My Life...
There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
“Well, whatcha gonna do about it?” he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.
“Come on, man,” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d CRY. I can`t stand to see a man crying.”
“This is the worst day of my life,” I say. “I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my old lady in bed with the gardener and then my dog bit me.”
“So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the arsenic dissolve. Then some jack-ass shows up and drinks the whole thing! But enough about me, how’s your day going?”
Thank you, FRiend.
Laughter is one of the greatest gifts.
Thanks for the smiles. Especially the one about the HMO manager. The insurance cut off my husband’s rehab yesterday, and the thought of somebody paying for that decision put a big smile on both our faces.
In a calm voice, the husband said, "Honey, do you remember the jewelry store we went into about 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"
The wife remembered, choked up, started to cry, and said, "Yes, I remember that jewelry store."
He said, "Well, I'm in the bar right next to it."
Very funny. I hope I can remember. Will bookmark.
The manager replied, "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture." Add Ken's Jewels as well!
Will Rodgers (1879-1935) was the 'funny side' for much of the Great Depression until his aviation death in 1935. His public career was spectacular, starring on Broadway, Cinema, newspapers, radio and multiple speaking tours. Very few people could come away from his performances with a frown!
However, there was a cynical, satirical and darker cousin-in-spirit of his named H L Mencken (1880-1956), 'The Sage of Baltimore"! I find it very instructive to read both of them so as to get the Yin AND Yang of the issue.
Here are a couple that match rather well;
[Rodgers] “The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.”
[Mencken] "Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule—and both commonly succeed, and are right."
[Rodgers] “The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.”
[Mencken] "Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance."
Thanks, I really needed a chuckle today.
Hehehe :)