Posted on 10/16/2020 8:15:41 AM PDT by Colonial35
John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded,
rural area of Georgia.
After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John’s grandfather
prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like
substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking,
“Are these plates clean?”
His grandfather replied, “They’re as clean as cold water can get them.
Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!”
For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates
as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg
and asked, “Are you sure these plates are clean?”
Without looking up the old man said, “I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are
as clean as cold water can get them. Now don’t you fret, I don’t want to hear
another word about it!”
Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving,
his grandfather’s dog started to growl, and wouldn’t let him pass.
John yelled and said, “Grandfather, your dog won’t let me get to my car”.
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV,
the old man shouted ... “COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!!!!”
English is full of contradiction!
Here are some funny oxymorons:
1) Found Missing
2) Open Secret
3) Small Crowd
4) Act Naturally
5) Clearly Misunderstood
6) Fully Empty
7) Pretty Ugly
8) Seriously Funny
9) Only Choice
10) Original Copies
11) Exact Estimate
12) Tragic Comedy
13) Foolish Wisdom
14) Liquid Gas
And The newest Mother of all Oxymorons is-
15) Social distancing
That is so bad it cracked me up.
Without missing a beat, she replied, “We don’t see things that people need.”
........................................................
I believe the poster meant, “sell” not “see”.
Makes more sense that way................ Just a typo.
Boooooooooooooooo!
WINNER!!!!
And then?” asked a woman.
“He took out his lunch and I took out mine, and he said we could stay!”
We have a hiking and outdoor store here in the pac nw called Recreational Equipment incorporated or REI. A friend of mine says REI stands for Really Expensive Items.
LOL
Ha!
16) Mostly peaceful
17) A firm maybe
“”I am familiar with Nieman-Marcus, but your post said “see”, not “sell”.””
I was waiting for someone to catch that..glad it wasn’t me...HA!
The hunchback said “Let me show you.” Together, the hunchback and the priest climb the bell tower to the very top. The hunchback bent over, and ran as fast as he could and hit the bell with his head. The bell rang. But the hunchback ricocheted out of the bell tower and plummeted several stories to the sidewalk below.
A crowd gathered around his body. People asked “Who is this man?” “Where did he come from?” No one knew, but a voice in the back said “I don't know who he is, but his face rings a bell.”
The next day the hunchback's twin brother was walking down the street past the same church. He saw the sign that said “Bell ringer needed.” He told the priest he wanted the job. The priest was skeptical, but the hunchback said “Let me prove it to you.”
Together they climbed many stories to the top of the bell tower. The hunchback bent over and ran as hard as he could and hit the bell with his head. The bell rang. But the hunchback ricocheted off the bell tower and fell many stories to the street below.
A crowd gathered around his body. People asked “Who is this guy?” “Where did he come from?” No one knew. But a voice in the back said “I don't know who he is, but he's a dead ringer for the guy that was here yesterday.”
We have one here in Northern Nevada. I don’t go there because of sticker shock!
whoever stole my antidepressants...I hope you’re happy.
—
Fred Astaire took his outfit to the dry cleaners.
“What happened to get it in such a mess?” The dry cleaner asked.
“Well” replied Fred, “Was in the kitchen when I tripped up and knocked a bowl full of rice pudding all over myself”
“Now I’ve ...... pudding on my top hat.... pudding on my white tie........pudding on my tails”
—
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