Instead of tongue depressors, the shortage should be rectal thermometers. The only country with a surplus is China. Given that medical devices from China experience an 80% failure rate, Biden would have to test each one.
I like that. Or Chinese Finger Cuffs. Of course the first task would be to rename them because racism. And Joe would be a natural because he is constantly told how important it is to keep ones fingers to oneself and not to bite them when proffered. So your idea of testing them would be applicable, especially since he could test five at a time. Of course it would never dawn on him that these serve no medical purpose...