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Wife and I were dressing for a formal affair and I commented that her pantyhose was wrinkled.
Turns out she wasn't wearing pantyhose.
And that's when the fight started.

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible;
I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And that's when the fight started.

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And that's when the fight started.

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our forthcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 225 in about 2 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And that's when the fight started.

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway"
The doctors say I will walk again, once my testicles descend, but I will always have a limp.

I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt"
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me", and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have got disability too."
And that's then the fight started.

one for the road

I rear-ended a car this morning ... the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said "I am NOT happy!"
So I said, "Well, which one ARE you then?"
That's how the fight started.

[My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our forthcoming anniversary.
She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 225 in about 2 seconds.”
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And that’s when the fight started.]

LOL

[I rear-ended a car this morning ... the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said “I am NOT happy!”
So I said, “Well, which one ARE you then?”
That’s how the fight started.]

LOL