But given the pending toilet paper famine, I thought we might all benefit from reading the above in considering some of the other available alternatives that have been tried in centuries past.
I sugggest everyone purchase a copy of Atlas Shrugged. A book that length will supply a family of 4 with TP for at least 30 days.
Someone suggested we put bumper stickers which say:
“I survived the Great TP Shortage of 2020”
I’ve been quoting these Gargantua verses a the last few days on FR and FB. Still up and FB has not rushed me to FB prison.
“’I have’, answered Gargantua, ‘by a long and curious experience found out a means to wipe my bum.
The most lordly, the most excellent, the most convenient that was ever seen. I have wiped my tail with a hen, with a cock, with a pullet, with a calf’s skin, with a hare, with a pigeon, with a cormorant, with an attorney’s bag, with a Montero, with a falconer’s lure. But to conclude, I say and maintain that of all the torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs.
And believe me therein upon mine honour, for you will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose, which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest of the inwards, in so far as to come even to the regions of the heart and brains.’”—Rabelais
Nobody needs or receives those gigantic issues of the Yellow Pages Phone Book anymore. Remember how thick they could be?
That would have been a sure way to make certain that ‘your fingers DO NOT do the walking’.
Now that we are approaching the end of the Toilet Paper era...
You have done a good service both to literature and the general edification of the FR readers in these dark days.
A copy of the Koran will work for me.
“ ...one of the most famous writers of the 14th century, to which I was first introduced in a college literature class.”
I was about to say I didn’t think you were that old, then you clarified by saying it was actually the 16th century. That makes more sense.
The Muslims have their own unique way of dealing with the problem.
This is the time the New York Times and Washington Post can finally be put to good use.
“Democracy Dies In The Outhouse”
“All the News That’s Fit to ****”
No TP? Subscribe to the NY Times. It comes with the crap already in it. Watch your buttski though. Mohmmedans have BEST PRACTICES...maybe not...SF road warriors are giving them a run.
HOW DARE YOU, PGalt. STFU, dog-faced, pig-tailed, pony-soldier...or I’ll have Joementia sniff you.
One word. Bidet.
Big TP has been Wiped Out.
This is the ultimate old time potty humor.
Hmm, I never really knew what to do with marjoram. Thanks for the info.
(Eat right, wipe left)