You’ll never make a better product than Weemsco tuna.
Whiny Little Bobby: Mom, the tuna doesn’t taste as good as it used to.
Narrator: Millions of Americans feel the same way little Bobby does, ever since companies came out with dolphin-free tuna.
Bobby: The tuna doesn’t taste as good as it used to.
Narrator: Luckily, not every company shamelessly bends over and drops their pants for each whiny special interest group that comes along and complains about something. When animal rights activists pressured Weemsco into eliminating the dolphin in our tuna, we politely said ‘pfft. Get a life!’ Weemsco Tuna has the great dolphin flavor you grew up with. In fact, it’s chock full of dolphin because now there’s more for us to use. Weemsco Tuna tastes great because it’s a secret blend of tuna, dolphin, shark, medical waste, and dead sea turtles who choked on deflated helium balloons.
Bobby: The tuna doesn’t taste as good as it used to.
Mother: But this is Weemsco Tuna, honey. Try it!
Bobby: Mmmmmm!
WAITRESS: Yeah, can I take your order?
GEORGE: (Gesturing to Jerry) Check the raiser.
JERRY: My bet? All right.. I’ll open with a tuna sandwich.
ELAINE: Tuna?
JERRY: Oh, the dolphin thing?
ELAINE: They’re dying in the nets.
JERRY: Ooohhh.. You know, the whole concept of lunch is based on tuna.
ELAINE: Jerry, can’t you incorporate one unselfish act in your daily routine?
JERRY: Hey, when I’m driving, I let people in ahead of me all the time. I’m always waving everybody in. “Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.” ..Alright.. alright. I’ll have a chicken salad.
ELAINE: And I’m going to have an English muffin with margarine on the side and a cup of coffee.
WAITRESS: Okay. (To George) What about you?
GEORGE: I’ll have the tuna.