I have PTSD from escaping the bombing of the World Trade Center. It’s been a long time and most of the most intense part of the effect is gone, but to this day I cannot see an emergency vehicle (police, fire, ambulance) in action without snapping into fight-or-flight mode. At this point I know what’s happening well enough to control it.
Once in a while, however, I will snap right back to various points in time during the event as if I was there again - in the dark, smoke-filled stairwell packed in with thousands of others like sardines and barely moving... or when I came back to the scene after the escape, a surreal landscape of emergency vehicles lining block after block in every direction. It’s not as if I believe I am actually there again though, it’s just a very vivid memory that got burned in deep.
My 13 year old daughter suffered an attempted kidnapping recently and she was deeply affected. She too, suffers from PTSD.
I hope this helps:
http://www.researchandrecognition.org/pdf/2017/RTMtreatmentShowsPromiseTheLeaderCorning.pdf
http://www.researchandrecognition.org/articles.html
https://jep.ro/images/pdf/cuprins_reviste/80_art_6.pdf
I am glad you survived, so sorry you had to go through that. Cannot imagine that horror.
I hope you sought out treatment. I was diagnosed with PTSD 15 years ago. Went through EMDR treatment to help with it. Took several years to get mine under control, thankfully I did. Wouldn't wish PTSD on anyone. I can only speak for myself, whenever I had an "episode" it was the most disabling, powerless feeling I'd ever have. I'd get tunnel vision, feel like whereever I was, was spinning out of control and the "whooooosh!!!" noise that filled my head was unbearable.
Nowhere near that bad anymore thankfully. I've learned to remove myself from whatever situation is triggering an event and calm myself down. Treatment helped a lot.