Posted on 08/30/2018 10:55:42 AM PDT by Morgana
That status needs to belong to the parents.
I recently asked a married couple who have three kids, none of whom are yet teens, "Who are the most important people in your family?"
Like all good moms and dads of this brave new millennium, they answered, "Our kids!"
"Why?" I then asked. "What is it about your kids that gives them that status?"
And like all good moms and dads of this brave new millennium, they couldn't answer the question other than to fumble with appeals to emotion.
So, I answered the question for them: "There is no reasonable thing that gives your children that status."
I went on to point out that many if not most of the problems they're having with their kids - typical stuff, these days - are the result of treating their children as if they, their marriage and their family exist because of the kids when it is, in fact, the other way around. Their kids exist because of them and their marriage and thrive because they have created a stable family.
Furthermore, without them, their kids wouldn't eat well, have the nice clothing they wear, live in the nice home in which they live, enjoy the great vacations they enjoy and so on. Instead of lives that are relatively carefree (despite the drama to the contrary that they occasionally manufacture), their children would be living lives full of worry and want.
This issue is really the heart of the matter. People my age know it's the heart of the matter because when we were kids it was clear to us that our parents were the most important people in our families. And that, right there, is why we respected our parents and that, right there, is why we looked up to adults in general. Yes, Virginia, once upon a time in the United States of America, children were second-class citizens, to their advantage.
It was also clear to us - I speak, of course, in general terms, albeit accurate - that our parents' marriages were more important to them than their relationships with us. Therefore, we did not sleep in their beds or interrupt their conversations. The family meal, at home, was regarded as more important than after-school activities. Mom and Dad talked more - a lot more - with one another than they talked with you. For lack of pedestals, we emancipated earlier and much more successfully than have children since.
The most important person in an army is the general. The most important person in a corporation is the CEO. The most important person in a classroom is the teacher. And the most important person in a family are the parents.
The most important thing about children is the need to prepare them properly for responsible citizenship. The primary objective should not be raising a straight-A student who excels at three sports, earns a spot on the Olympic swim team, goes to an A-list university and becomes a prominent brain surgeon. The primary objective is to raise a child such that community and culture are strengthened.
"Our child is the most important person in our family" is the first step toward raising a child who feels entitled.
You don't want that. Unbeknownst to your child, he doesn't need that. And neither does America.
children can tell who the greatest is in the family...
those that think it is them, haven’t a clue as to who it is.
Lil Jimmy Dickens! Man o man kids today sure don’t know about table manners!
I'm thinking community and culture is achieved by the first examples. All things in moderation.
I sure do agree with that!
It’s understandable that a newborn infant might take am immediate priority, temporarily. When they start growing teeth and begin biting on mom’s breast, a sharp NO! and pulling away of that breast begins the process of setting limits, with parent in control. I actually know a lady who wouldn’t do that and then wondered why her kid was out of control at 18 months old.
If you can’t or won’t control a 2 year old, then you aren’t going to be able to control a 12 year old.
You could look at it that way. However, when the general thinks "I am the most important person in the army" or the CEO, or the teacher, etc., then you have a problem in the making. Egoism in parents (especially those boomers!) isn't a "community" or "culture."
Heres' a nice thought from Dostoyevsky:
There is no more ceaseless or tormenting care for man, as long as he remains free, than to find someone to bow down to as soon as possible. But man seeks to bow down before that which is indisputable, so indisputable that all men at once would agree to the universal worship of it. For the care of these pitiful creatures is not just to find something before which I or some other man can bow down, but to find something that everyone else will also believe in and bow down to, for it must needs be all together. And this need for communality of worship is the chief torment of each man individually, and of mankind as a whole, from the beginning of the ages.
The important people in a family is the family as a unit.
Unfortunately for far too many broken homes, there is no mother or father.
Only a single parent. And so the kids are most important. By default.
bkmk
Parents should approach management of their families based on what is best for their daughters and sons.
Any small unit, like a small business or a classroom, works best when everyone is noted for their contribution. When a boss or a teacher claims to be the most important yah gotta look under the surface because you probably have more of a slave owner - slave relationship. It is hell working for or learning from or living under the thumb of a narcissist.
John nailed why millennials feel entitled. I’ve often blamed this on parents who thing they are doing the right thing but in fact are hurting their children.
Except that in the Judeo-Christian religions the man is head of the household. So yes he is in fact the general or captain of the ship..
And we are a Christian nation.
Self, job, Marriage,....... children, in that order.
Could the most important person in the family be.... GOD?
I think it’s one of the reasons yes. It’s not the only reason but one of them.
We are “wired” that the offspring are the most important because without them the species dies out.
Even chickens know this (one of our hens died, successfully sacrificing herself so her chick could escape a predator, ditto in another instance for our best rooster.)
Now, granted, humans are certainly in no danger of dying out @ present, but, it was once true (last period of glaciation), and someday it will be true again.
This does NOT mean the young rule!
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