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"...Maybe childbirth needs to become a new olympic sport..."

ANNOUNCER 1: "Should be an interesting one in the lightweight division today, Susan. Schuster weighed in at 115 lbs, and her baby had an estimated weight of 6 lbs 2 ounces. That puts her at a distinct disadvantage due to her relative size calculation, and her pelvic measurements are very small, even for her size."

ANNOUNCER 2: "Good point, Hal. Of course, this is not her first rodeo. She has competed for the lightweight championship five times already, so her high ratio and low pelvic measurements are offset by her well stretched uterine muscles and increased tolerance to pain, which allows her to bear down harder. She is well known for her legendary finishes."

ANNOUNCER 1: "Yes she is, Susan. She is, of course, the favorite today. She has been the Lightweight Division Champion for the last three years, a record, and criticisms by her competitors that she has an unfair advantage have resulted in the so called "Schuster Rule" which forces retirement after six births, so this will be her last hurrah in competition."

ANNOUNCER 2: "Well, she is an amazing competitor, Hal. She can pop them out nearly as fast as the legendary Soviet Heavyweight competitor Morov Chopyurkokov who weighed in at 245 lbs and captured nine straight titles..."

ANNOUNCER 1: "Oh, yes. Susan, do you remember the year after her eighth title, they had to put new rules into place that mandated there had to be a "catcher" because the baby came out so fast that the baby shot over the finish line and ended up sliding across the floor..."

ANNOUNCER 2: "Of course! And in her final year, they increased the mandatory number of catchers to two, because she popped out a massive 9 lb 5 ounce baby with such velocity resulting in that unfortunate fatality to that lone catcher, her longtime assistant..."

ANNOUNCER 1: "Yes. Well, they ended up naming a competition suite after that catcher. So young, but as we all know, those are the hazards of the sport."

ANNOUNCER 2: "Ah. I can see Schuster has entered the suite to the resounding cheers of the massive crowd!"

ANNOUNCER 1: "She looks fit and ready to go! She is a crowd favorite, because she is considered "old school", no fancy water based techniques, or squatting techniques, she stays in the stirrups from start to finish...and...here we go!"