[mairdie]

[Mariner]

It looks like my very first turkey.

[subterfuge]

It’s called alcohol.

[Jeff Chandler]

The secret to successfully roasting meat:

[blueunicorn6]

The turkey ain’t done til the fire department shows up!

[ClearBlueSky]

Worst food disaster I ever had was weapons-grade cookies, BUT a female relative-years ago- cooked her first turkey WITHOUT removing the bag with neck and giblets.She didn’t even know there was one. Then she PACKED the bird with bread stuffing. All looked ok until we heard a ‘BOOF’ and opened the oven to see a bony carcass with ALL turkey meat and stuffing stuck to the oven walls. That thing exploded like there was C4 in it. Hysterical.

[bigredkitty1]

A way to have a jucier turkey is to put about a stick or two of butter in the EMPTY cavity and turn bird upside down. Not the prettiest bird, but tasty.

[aomagrat]

I cooked a ham once. Had to cut it with a saw.

[Billthedrill]

If the weather is inclement, just move your turkey fryer inside like William Shatner did. What could possibly go wrong?

[bgill]

Those people had to really try hard to make such a mess.

[hillarynot]

My wife has 3 sisters. Whenever they bake a ham, they cut a couple of inches off of each end before they place it on the pan. I always wondered why. I thought maybe it helped with the flavor or something.

So one day I asked her, why do you all cut a little off the end of the ham before placing it in the pan. Her reply -- Because mom always did. So I asked her mother-- why did you always cut the end off the ham before placing in the pan.

Her reply -- Because the pan was always too small.