Leadership forgiveness in motion

“Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit,” Peter Ustinov stated. How do we develop this habit? Below are some strategies that I utilize with my private clients to help us live in the state of forgiveness.

When we are stuck in a negative space or find it difficult to let go of something (that nagging in your head and heart), let us begin with naming the event and the people involved. Do not rush through this exercise; sit with your thoughts and emotions. Now list all of the people in that scenario for whom you feel anger or resentment. Next to each name, identify the emotions you feel for that person. Again, do not rush through this, but identify all the emotions you feel toward each individual. As you begin to peel away the emotional layers with each person, honor each emotion without shoving it back in. As you experience each feeling, visualize the emotion as a dandelion, white with wispy seeds. After you have fully experienced your emotions, look at the dandelion. Gently blow and watch the soft white seeds break away, leaving only the stem, and release your emotions on each piece of the white seeds. Feel the freedom as the pieces blow away.

Another strategy is identifying those people you blame or those you believe have contributed to a hurtful situation. List all of those people for whom you feel anger or resentment. Again do not rush through this exercise. I must admit how surprised I was the first time I did the exercise that I had to use more than one sheet of paper!

Sometimes when we think about forgiving someone, we may resist because we do not want to subject ourselves to more abuse or hurt from that person. Forgiveness does not mean we ignore abuse nor do we need to be doormats. We can forgive someone without ever seeing him or her again. Forgiving someone does not require us to leave the safety of our own hearts and minds. Ours is a sacred space, safe and filled with love. Setting boundaries for others and ourselves is an important step in self-love.

As we move through this month of love, let’s remember that love is still the strongest force in our families, organizations, communities, countries, and world.

Dr. Maria Church, CPC, is a leadership consultant, speaker, and best-selling author of “Love-Based Leadership: Transform Your Life with Meaning and Abundance.” She co-authored the book, “Answering the Call.” Maria holds a doctorate of management in organizational leadership, teaches at several universities, and is CEO of Corporate Leadership Solutions and Government Leadership Solutions. You may reach her at Maria@CorporateLeadershipSolutions.com.

I think you have to be very careful with this type of exercise. If you aren’t focused on the forgiving aspect of it with a Christian heart, it can lead to a cementing of those negative feelings instead of a release.

I’ve struggled forgiving with certain aspects of events from my past where I know I was a significant contributor. So if you do this type of exercise you need to also conduct it on yourself - analyzing what your contributions were in the form of intransigence, reaction, initiation, failure to acknowledge other viewpoints, etc.

Once I recognized my own contributions to the events then I was able to move past and forgive others. It’s always better and more cleansing if you can tell the person directly. In many cases we can’t do that, so saying it out loud also adds strength to the act.

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