Semper Fi Marine, Been there and done that. I laughed at the way you described the situation, very good.
At my last “finger wave” I said to the Army doc, “OW, what are you doing up there, TDY?” Lesson: never make a urologist laugh in mid-exam.
Dave Barry’s colonoscopy vid (no procedure, just doc talk) got me through my first one. Especially how the prep sends your colon into the future & you s*** what you have not yet even eaten. My next is due in March. Wonderful.