Oh sister.
God loves you unconditionally. You have no need to beg for forgiveness. It is given.
Ivy - you did a great thing by begging God for forgiveness. Never forget the story of King David in the Bible: David committed a horrible sin, but realized his mistake, begged God for forgiveness, and made penance. God made it clear that he did the right thing.
Have you looked into support and recovery groups like Rachel’s Vineyard or such? They may be able to help.