My father, a great lawyer from Chicago, has passed away.

The Chicago Tribune ^ | May 16, 2016 | myself

[abigkahuna]

Ny parents passed away within a month of each other and were both very young considering. Mom had just turned 60 and Dad was 64. That was 20 year ago. How did I cope. There were many things to do. There were two younger children to deal with and a dog. There was a house to get rid of and an estate to deal with.

How did I deal with it...I didn’t really...just plowed on each day. I talk to them still. I think nice thoughts about them and catch myself realizing that I am acting or talking like my dad...I make Mom’s Thanksgiving stuffing recipe every year from a recipe written out in her own hand for me. It is in a plastic sleeve is why it has survived all these years.

One never really gets over it...Once you realize that, you can get on with your life. What I mean by that is don;t worry about the healing, or the closure or whatever they call it these days. You still have to go to work or take care of kids or feed the dog or whatever it is you still have to do. It’s okay to feel sad and even depressed for a while. If it continues for an undo amount of time, then one might need guidance.

Try not to think of the departed one as gone...I talk to my parents all the time and talk about them too...remember the nice moments, the rich moments, the special times. Avoid thinking about those times that might have been bad or contained friction....who says denial is a bad thing? Why dwell on unpleasantry?

Time does not heal all wounds, but it will let one get one with living.

As for dealing with family members...stressful times create stressed thinking and reactions. I do know know enough about your family to render any judgements whatsoever...so I won’t...but I will close with a quote from my father, a veteran of Korea and while not a civic leader, nor great man, he was just a citizen.
he said: “Only worry about the things that you can control...”

Tomorrow is another day..there will be things to do and other problems to deal with that have nothing to do with your loss. Don’t feel guilty about that. Eat some ice cream and have a good sleep. Remember your Dad and smile at his picture on your wall. Say hello to him every morning and say good night. In time, he will draw your current pain away so that you can continue on....

Sincerely...

[cva66snipe]

My first wife had sprained her ankle a couple days earlier and was crutches. She had a massive heart attack getting in the van. Dad tried CPR but she was gone. Where we live an ambulance was 20 minutes out. But they couldn't have done anything either.

After she passed I met another woman at work after I took a transfer. We were dating and on Labor Day 1985 she became a quadriplegic right in front of me and her two girls. The cause was a mystery for a year Transverse Mylietus. In the meantime while she was in the hospital for six months we married. She died of C-5 level quadriplegia complications causing COPD and pneumonia.

I should have read you post closer I would have realized your mom passed sorry about that.

Find someone you can trust to talk too a minister or friend if you need too. BTW the beast as I call it likes to hit when you're tired and things look a lot worse. Expect things like having dreams about him being alive and things like that.

I'm sorry you lost your dad. My mom is still alive and she's 85 now. I made my dad a promise I'd look out after her {not that he had to ask}.

[proud American in Canada]

.And IF you ever need a shoulder or an ear ( eye, actually ), drop me a note.

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Thank you!

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I lived in Chicago for 17 years, so I’m familiar with things you might want to talk with someone about, even though I hate football and am a N.Y. Yankees fan. :-)

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Yankees!? They always win! GRRRR! :) ;)
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I DO know all about the “green wall at Wrigley, how they play doodly do de doo, and and such.

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Bleacher Bums! :)

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My second cousin died at the end of last summer, so now I have NOBODY at all left, whom I can talk about my grandmother, my mother, and opera with. At least you still have your sister. I know how you feel right now. Hopefully I and other FREEPERS can help you get through this time.

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I am sorry you are alone. Please feel free to email me whenever. The world is so strange now; families move around and are so far away... You like opera? :) That is really neat! :)

I’ll talk to you soon! :)

Julie

[proud American in Canada]

Okay,it is now almost time that the alarm will ring to wake us up. So I do not dare check the thread, otherwise I will feel compelled to answer now. But I will answer tomorrow.

Thank you so much, everyone.

I am going through something that is normal, that everyone, if they are lucky, does. However, some of you have lost spouses at a young age; children... That’s not really in the normal course of things.

Let us all pray for each other tonight. I am going to and I thank you so much for your concern and your posts.

Now I hear the birds chirping.. It is definitely time to get to sleep... and pray.

Thank you...

Julie

[nickcarraway]

RIP

[proud American in Canada]

LOL! My dad always wanted a son. ;) :)

take care! LOL. :)

[proud American in Canada]

Time, and probably, hopefully, meeting him again. Thank you. :)

[nopardons]

I'm a born & bred New Yorker, my beloved Giants left me, so then I loved the Mets ( who are GREAT this year!), but I also do love my Yankees. :-)

OTOH, the Cubinos are doing great this year, so I'm sort of rooting for them too.

Not "all alone", am married, have a kiddo, s-i-l, and a grandson, but nobody left to talk about operettas and opera and classical music about, nor family foods and such. It's rather weird for me, now being the only one to know many of my ancestors.

Yes, we do need to FRmail! SEE? Something good came from your hurt/ache post...look how many new FRiends you have now. :-)

[proud American in Canada]

He really was. He was a very generous man. I was a “Daddy’s girl” too; learned so much about the law from him; read his law books when I was around nine years old.

Your father died so young.... it sounds like your father was a great man, too... it must have been a wonderful childhood, on a farm, working alongside him.

I am sorry he passed so quickly and so young.

I guess the pain never goes away.

People a long time ago didn’t have the time or energy to even think about it; they didn’t even have the life span. Not sure what that means, but I guess it’s a good thing.?? :)

Goodnight, garandgal. :)

Julie

[oldvirginian]

In the short term the only advice I can give is to cry.
Cry until you can’t possibly cry anymore.
Then be prepared to cry again.

When my dad died I was the one on whose shoulders everything fell.
Every little decision, no matter how trivial, was directed to me.
I didn’t have a moment alone for three weeks.
By then the immediacy of his death was past.
The tears wouldn’t come as they wanted to in the beginning.
I feel that my inability to just have a good gut wrenching cry made it harder for me to deal with his death.

I didn’t make that mistake when my wife recently passed away.
I made arrangements with the hospital and drove directly home, locked the doors and cried until it hurt.
I truly believe that is why I am coping with the loss of the love of my life better than the loss of my dad.

People will hug you, pat you on the back and say “now, now dear. Don’t cry because he’s in a better place.”
BULLSCHEISER!

GOD gave us the ability to cry in order to cope with emotional stress.
HE gave it to us to use.
A gift from a loving God who knows what is best for us.

In the long term, you just deal with it as things come up.
A thousand times you will see or hear something that you will want to share with your dad and you will remember that you can’t and it will hurt.

Don’t be ashamed to cry, even years from now.
If you suppress the tears and deny yourself Gods healing gift, you will regret it.

I’m a 64 year old man, but I am not ashamed to admit that when I lose someone close to me I cry like a baby.

[proud American in Canada]

Hi, oldvirginian...

Thank you for this:

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“Don’t be ashamed to cry, even years from now.
If you suppress the tears and deny yourself Gods healing gift, you will regret it. I’m a 64 year old man, but I am not ashamed to admit that when I lose someone close to me I cry like a baby.”

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There is nothing wrong with that. God would not give us tears if there wasn’t a purpose for them. Perhaps to wash out the sadness; to clear our minds, to bless the Earth with the salt of our tears... who knows? How many creatures cry?

I know that animals are sad.. but do they cry? And why do tears have probably around the same salt content than the sea?

I will pray for you. And for the other FRiends who seem so sad as well. Loss is a part of life. And it sucks... :(

[TChad]

It's a strange type of stress. Part of the stress is just that it becomes all too obvious who is next.

Treat yourself well. Spend more time with people you like, move slower than usual, accept offers of help, forgive inappropriate behavior in family and friends.

If you aren't sleeping, you'll really have to address that immediately. You'll be a basket case in a few days without sleep.

The loss is permanent -- it just stays there. The stress fades in time.

Do what you have to do. You'll get through this.

[Maudeen]

I lost two parents in 2013 (both WWII Veterans). They were my best friends. Hold to the thought that Christians never say goodbye and until then keep focused on the race that God has placed before you. Always remember that Jesus is already in your all of your tomorrows.

[Jonty30]

I’m sorry that you have list your father. However, you should keep in mind that, if you and him were believers, tha you will see him again one day in the near future.

[TalBlack]

He was my rock.

He still is. A good Father leaves a bit of himself behind, always.

Thank God Almighty that you had a rock in your life and look forward to the day when you will see.
him again.

[Westbrook]

Please accept my condolences.

Lost my dad some time ago. It was tough. Still is.

[knarf]

You are his legacy ... his posterity ... and you were the reason he lived

Every story you tell brings the re-living closer to your heart and with that the warmth of his love for you

There's an odd delicious sense of emptiness that your heart will recognize as some kind of pan religious experience and you will have the sense of togetherness

God is not done with you and the feeling of loss and emptiness is Satan's doing ... get ye behind me ... for thou desireth not the things of God

[skr]

You’re in my prayers and have my sympathy.

[Redleg Duke]

My Dad “stood llast roll call” on 28 February 1990.

He went quickly, after being diagnosed with lung cancer.

I found myself picking up the phone and dialing half of his number before realizing he wasn’t there for months thereafter.

It is right in that you don’t get over it, you just get different. For me, it was when I realized that Dad was inside of me with everything he taught me.

Soldier on, my friend. As for your sister, remember that time wounds all heels!

[Zirondelle]

I absolutely adored my father - he was a combat photographer for the navy. Although he died ( still a hard word to write after all these years) at only 59 I remember being grateful that he was with for us for even that short span of time. I would rather have known him and lost him early than never to have known him at all. Some folks have never known a father or have known only a bad one. So rejoice in the blessing you had!