My sincere condolences.
I’m sure he wanted to be missed.....but he wouldn’t want you to be sad....
My desire to help is trumped only by my inability. It is often said, but time does heal.
I wish I could offer more than words of comfort.
Although not close to losing my wife, I lost my mom with whom I was very close years ago and there is still a hole there. Time is like ice — it numbs but nothing can heal such a loss.
I CAN tell you that FReepers really care and you will have many prayers, starting with mine, for today and all days. Holidays will be the hardest — stay near your family and loved ones. You don’t have to participate in anything, just be near and know they love you.
God bless you and a prayer ping to some of the prayer warriors I know. (there are many)
Blessed Christmas to you.
That’s a very tough one. I couldn’t imagine what that must be like. My wife and I have been married for 20 years, and I would be completely devastated if I lost her.
I wish there was something I could say here that would make you feel better, but I’m sure there’s not.
I hope and wish for you the very best.....
May this Christmas morning give new blessings of God’s love for each of us and place it firmly in your heart.
All I can offer is this amazing quote from the latest Hobbit movie:
Tauriel: “Why does it have to hurt so much?”
Tharanduil: “Because it was real.” (Where “it” refers to your love for each other.)
Do not be afraid or ashamed to cry. Nothing else will be as effective at healing the hurt. It’s what your soul needs. It’s how you know that your love was real, that your life together mattered, and that your life is still worth living — because your future happiness is the one thing he would want more than anything.
Joining in prayer.
My husband passed away in November 2008. I was only 44 years old with a 14 year old son at home. I went through the motions at Christmas and felt like a detached observer of others’ joy. But my husband still appeared to me in my dreams, I still remembered the sound of his voice, I could remember his smell and his smile...I came to see these as wonderful gifts. Your wound is still fresh. Please come to grips with the fact that you will hurt...you will grieve...the holiday may be almost unbearable for you, but this hurt is an honorable thing. With every tear you honor him. One day, in the not too distant future, you will also be able to recognize the gifts left behind. I pray that you find peace in knowing that you were blessed with the time that you had with a spouse you clearly adored. God bless you!
Sorry you lost your friend and husband.
Hopefully his memory will be of some warmth and the knowledge that he is with God, who we all hope to be with one day.
That is young to be gone. No doubt you had plans for the future.
No advice will suffice. And there is no hiding place from the grief, other than in Jesus.
May God strengthen you through his word, his Spirit and his people.
The pain will subside, but not the remembrance. You really don't want that to disappear, and I would pray for you that it would not. Ever.
billy kid
I have not lost a spouse...but I did lose my Dad when I was 18...being a guy I was not supposed to cry and I did not ...
for a year...then one day I did cry...In my grief I believe I found that I blamed my Father...but that was wrong...but I didn’t understand all of my grief until I went through the complete cycle.
I did move in with my Mom and 6 year old brother and helping them helped me.
Do seek out grief counseling and there are local support groups of people that are going through some of the same feelings.
You are in my Prayers to Jehovah God...and remember...
Jesus wept at the death of his friend...John 11:35.
We have hope of being with our loved ones in the resurrection.
God can help us heal of our sorrows in this life.
He will wipe away all tears in the next life.
Having clicked to open the thread, I’m left chagrined with no advice to give. So far, I’ve been blessed to not be in your shoes.
But I couldn’t just pass up a plea from the wounded.
Good on you to come to FReepers, billys kid. It’s Christmas, and it feels like “everybody but me is home with loved ones.”
Me personally, I’m working extended hours (posting from work right now) so coworkers can be with their distant kinfolk. My Darling, laboring to move two households’ worth of goods since mid-November, will not be home to greet me upon my return. He’s road-tripping 300 miles thru the mountains to pick up his minor child for a week’s visit. If we’re lucky, they’ll get in just in time for me to come back in to work. What with his sleep deprivation & sheer exhaustion, I hope to not be in your shoes for at least the next 24 hours, billys kid. Trying to not dwell on it. I’ve been throwing myself a little pity party, pre-resenting how not-fun I’m going to be to a lively little boy being stifled so that I can sleep daytimes before returning to work each night.
But just so long as they make it safely... Because it could be worse. Cold comfort for you billys kid, but thank you for reminding me of that.
Before my leaving for work tonight, he pulled me aside & informed me that a dear friend passed just yesterday. The ****ed cancer. She leaves behind a husband & stepchild who loved her dearly, and I grieve for them. For you too, now. I’m so sorry.
I am sorry for your loss. I pray that you will have peace and healing.
I hope your fellow freepers help you find some comfort....and that you can find the happy memories to soothe the sorrow as the holidays come and go.
I will be keeping you in my prayers all through the new year.
Ernie
My deepest condolences. I, too, have lost my husband and understand your pain all too well. It’s no surprise that you’re not coping well. It’s been a very brief time since his passing — very, very brief. This is your first holiday season without him, and that is HUGE. In fact, all the firsts are huge. At least they were for me. First birthday, first anniversary, even the first changings of the seasons.
I would encourage you not to set a timeline for an “appropriate” time to grieve. If you don’t meet that artificial timeline, you’re likely to heap guilt or shame on yourself. This would be counterproductive.
Be gentle with yourself. Cry, kick, scream when you need to. Don’t hold back. You will be reminded of your loss at the most unexpected times and places. I would be in the grocery store and see something he really liked or that I loved surprising him with it. I couldn’t hold the tears back. Smells will remind you, and there’s no way to predict where or when that will happen. Or a song on the radio, etc. If you can’t hold the tears back, make sure you have Kleenex in your purse for such occasions. (I’d save the kicking and screaming for when you’re at home. ;-))
Contact some local hospices in the area. They have bereavement programs that you should be able to avail yourself to. Your loved one doesn’t have to have been on service with the hospice for you to be able to participate. I recommend contacting more than one simply because they all do their bereavement programs differently. Determine which one best meets your needs. If you know anyone who’s had a loved one die on hospice care and who participated in their bereavement program, ask them if they thought the program was thorough and helpful.
Find a friend or family member (or maybe even a new friend in a bereavement group) who will listen to you when you hit the rough patches. Make sure they understand that you’re not asking them to fix it. You just need someone to listen with compassion. Ignore people who tell you not to cry, not to be sad, or that it’s time for you to move on. They mean well, but their “advice” is worth what you paid for it.
If after a particular period of time you see that you’re not able to get on with your life or function normally (you will know when that time is), you may want to receive professional help to assist you in processing one of the most life-changing and significant events that can happen in your life. Heck, for that matter, you could do that now if you wanted. You would be the one to determine if you’re stuck and need help moving on. Until then, I recommend the things I mentioned above. Know that there are folks out here who understand and would NEVER judge you for how you’re handling your grief. You’re not alone. Not by a long shot.
I’ve saved the most important part till last. When I lost my husband, I wasn’t a believer. This was a definite disadvantage in my grieving process. I became a Christian about 10 years after his passing. All things are better when you’re a relationship with the Lord. Since I don’t know you, I realize it’s possible that you already are a woman of faith and that I’m preaching to the choir. If that’s the case, I believe the Lord put it on my heart to add it because He wanted someone reading here tonight to hear it.
It hurts not to have the one you love over the holidays... or most any other time of the year. :-(
Prayers for you.
Been there! Done that!
My husband’s death was sudden. He had left the house to go to work. Then I received the phone call from his boss. My husband had collapsed on the sidewalk near his office, and died.
I had been given no time before that to gradually accept his death.
But I did! And if I can, so can you. I was sure that I could never enjoy another minute in my own life. I was wrong.
I’m sending prayers for you, especially at this Christmas time. God loves you.
What can one say that would ease the very real pain you find yourself having to endure, I wish I knew because I feel for you and your burden at this moment and would like nothing more than to help...the time comes for almost all of us...and when mine gets here I know that I will need the Holy Ghost to get me through it. If you’re a spiritual person, you will understand the essence of your husband (his spirit)is not forever lost to you. Heaven awaits for reunion with our loved ones. Please, if you’re not doing so already, I recommend grief counseling (preferably group therapy.)
God Bless.