“I just feel trapped, and depressed.”
Communication is your friend. Talk to anyone who can be of help. Try talking to your religious pastor, priest, rabbi, etc. Next try a shrink. Try talking to some of her girlfriends on the side to get their opinion as to where your wife’s head is at. Start surprising her with flowers, little gifts, notes around the house saying you hope you can rekindle your romance because you really care for her. Play with your kids a lot, and work a little less. Devote more time to the homefront. Cook her dinner, take her out to dinner just for the heck of it, not just a special occasion. Talke to your relatives on both sides about your situation. Suggest family counseling for both of you.
If all else fails, and after trying all of the above, tell her you are thinking seriously about divorce, as nothing seems to improve your not so mutual relationship no matter how hard you try. Maybe her just knowing you are constantly thinking about divorce at that point will jog her out of her reverie and impress upon her the seriousness of the situation. She would have a lot to lose too you might tell her. And if after everything it comes to divorce, fight like heck for joint custody and do everything you can to stay involved in your children’s lives. They will need you more than ever.
Or, last option, just bite the bullet, put up with the situation for the good of the children and think of as many ways to pamper yourself as you can. Seek the fellowship of others to go with to sports events, card games, work parties, join church groups, get involved in voluntary charity organizations, etc. If athletic, join a sports team or workout gym. Include your children in as many outside events as you can. It will be good for all of you. Make a semi-separate life for yourself from which you can get good feedback to keep your own self esteem and feeling of self worth up. It appears your wife is doing just that now. Perhaps if she sees you doing the same, it might wake her up that you too can take steps for your own happiness, with or without her. Remember divorce is expensive in so many ways. Try to avoid if possible, especially as your kids are still young. Good luck.
I have it on good authority (from a co-worker that tried it) that flowers/candy/gifts can backfire because your wife may wonder what you are up to and think that you must be feeling guilty about something.
He is sick of stepping away.
OP you have 2 kids who adore you, for now stop pining for passion and focus first on what you do have and build from there
Coupes therapy or counseling would be good, if she wont do it go alone
BTW. You are a “little” overweight and this can be a physical turn off. Work on losing the weight, getting yourself fit, keep up personal hygiene (breath/BO), use advise and insights from counselor or pastor to help you boost your own self esteem
(if you are in depression get treatment)
Spend real quality time with your kids and develop one outside interest or hobby for yourself that gives you something to talk about! Cooking? Photography? Camping? Beachcombing?
And find one project around the house that needs done and work on it! Then another. Its your home! Remember- you can't change HER but you can change YOU and changing YOU may change her but at least it will be good for YOU