While I wouldn’t consider myself an expert on these things - I am just a Christian trying to get by too. But here are a few suggestions.
Realize that the Christian life is not an easy one and we are very often torn between the world of man and the kingdom of God between the flesh and the body of Christ.
Realize that maybe listening to Stone Temple Pilots is not what you need to be doing atm. Now I still listen to some of fav bands Pink Floyd, Deep Purple etc. if I found that encouraging incorrect feelings/thoughts I hope I would drop them like a hot potato. It’s like being double minded - not a good state for you.
Keep praying and don’t give up - my wife’s name is Julie- if you are half the wonderful woman she is then try valuing what God has done in you and don’t look at your lack.
Good advice and warning. It opened the door to something that is not good - it invited in something that is destructive.