Posted on 05/10/2013 8:09:14 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
My refresh button is walking to the window and looking to see if the garbage can is "out". (FRiday is garbage day)
You’re “late” ?
Rabbit test time.....
LOL, bad bad mother...
Coffee and Testicles
A guy goes into the Post Office to apply for a job.....
The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”
He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”
“Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?”
“Yes,” he says, “I was in Afghanistan for one tour.”
The interviewer says, “That will give you 5 extra points toward employment.” Then he asks, “Are you disabled in any way?”
The guy says, “Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles.”
The interviewer grimaces and then says, “Disabled in your country’s service! Well that qualifies for extra bonus points. Okay. Looking at the regulations, you have enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day.”
The guy is puzzled and asks, “If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don’t you want me here until 10:00 am?”
“This is a government job”, the interviewer says. “For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls... No point in you coming in for that.”
Grandma wannabe !
My darling, being the romantic sort she is, just sent me a text..
If you are sleeping, send me your dreams
If you are laughing, send me your smile
If you are eating, send me a bite
If you are drinking, send me a sip
If you are crying, send me your tears
I love you
I replied...
I’m taking a dump. What should I do?
“Gnat” shooting -RC Planes and Shotguns!
http://youtu.be/CLLAKnVej9o
I think you should be ashamed of yourself.
Does their Mom not know how a condom works?
true love is answering your wife no matter what.. even if you’re pooping.
Luke! This is your Puppy...
LOL
We have a daughter. She’s 12. All of a sudden, my wife and I are the stupidest people on the face of the earth.
She has a closet with lots of hangers and a huge dresser. Yet you can’t see the floor in her room for all the clothes.
So three weeks ago I decided to clear it all out and wash the clothes. After everything was washed, dried and folded, she informs me that most of those clothes don’t fit anymore. So she was told to sort out the stuff that didn’t fit and bag it. Which she did.
We were going to take it to the thrift store (it supports the local children’s hospital) but she wouldn’t let us. She put the clothes in the attic.
Last weekend she pulled the bag down to give some clothes to a friend who is smaller. Again all that stuff ended up on her bedroom floor.
God, she is just like me. I vaguely remember shoving everything under the bed when “cleaning” my room. And I never wanted to throw anything away.
When I was about 12 or 13, I discovered Playboy magazine.
Mysteriously, they started to show up then in the group of guys I hung out with.
One day, I brought one home, tucked into my jeans and behind my shirt. Walking into the house and down the hall (trying not to draw attention as I walked stiff as a board so as not to wrinkle the merchandise). Being a budding covert operator myself, I hid it in a safe place that no one would find. Under my bed.
Now my mom was obviously battle hardened. She knew all the tricks. She also did Spring Cleaning almost every week (would be called "illegal search and seizure" by the ACLU today).
I came home from school a few days later, and there was the magazine. On (not under) my bed.
And she never said a thing!
So thank you Mom for making me sweat bullets. One of life's great lessons in domestic terrorism and child rearing.
It made ME laugh, which was why I posted it. Even if it is a rather gross joke.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.