The USPTO won't even look at a LENR or cold fusion patent application, because over here it does matter whether it works or not.
I'm afraid you are thoroughly mistaken on that point.
Exhibit A: US Patent 6,025,810 - "Hyper Light Speed Antenna"
The present invention takes a transmission of energy, and instead of sending through normal time and space, it pokes a small hole into another dimension, thus sending the energy through a place which allows transmission of energy to exceed the speed of light.
Read the whole thing, it's a hoot.
The sad fact is that the USPTO grants about an order of magnitude more silly patents than the EPO. Simply because the US patentability limitations are broader (business methods etc.). Other than that the same three criteria I outlined in my initial post apply.