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Start one year before killing date.

Feed the steer only on wild berries, slough grass, weeds, sage, and tree bark. About two hours before you are ready to butcher, have a friend chase the beef around to get the blood and the adrenaline into the meat. Shoot the beef immediately after it has been chased (make sure it’s a gut shot, and try to do this via hind quarter). A good shot will tenderize the meat and get as much hair as possible in the impact area.

Drag the beef to a slough and field dress it in the slough. Make sure to get as much grass, weeds, cattails and debris in as possible.

Drag the beef at least one mile across a summer fallow field to get plenty of dirt mixed into the wound and the interior of the carcass.

Load the beef on a car/truck and drive down first a gravel road at least 5 miles and then down a highway. This will get as much highway grime, bugs, and rocks imbedded in the meat as possible. (For extra flavor this should be done in the rain.) Hang the beef in the garage. (Make sure it is low enough so the dog can chew on the hind quarter and then properly mark it as his territory.)

At least once a day have your wife idle a vehicle for 5 minutes in the garage. Carbon Monoxide adds greatly to the flavor. When the carcass smells so bad that you can hardly stand being in the garage, the beef is ready to process.

Properly following the steps will ensure that your BEEF is mistaken for VENISON by even the most avid sportsman. Everyone will marvel at how much venison you have and how good it tastes... and you won’t have to put on that crazy outfit and walk for 300 miles ever again