Oh, honey. I am so sorry. Your depression over the loss of your sweetheart is no doubt contributing to the overall malaise that has you in its grip.
I just finished “decorating” for Christmas, and it would seem that all my decorations are Nativities...my, my...I wonder why? Perhaps the visual reminder of the Savior’s Birth is enough to carry me through the holidays. They are always spent alone, as they have been since 1989, so I can empathize with you.
One year, when my life was at one of the bleakest points, someone gave me half a dozen felt Christmas projects to work on. I was living in a “druggie hotel” (since burned down) and had no TV or stereo. My solace was in studying the Scriptures and making felt projects to ease a lot of the heartache that I couldn’t deal with otherwise.
Of that period in my life (six months plus) I remember only that I was close to the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and that my hands willingly worked on things I had no place to hang. I knew that whatever I was going through was temporary, and I was going to come out first and on top, no matter how much that old bag was shaken.
Since my childhood, I have been an optimist, and though I have had some uncertain, scary days and nights, the thing that kept me going was this mantra: I will not give Satan the satisfaction of bringing me down. I will fight him with optimism that he will never be able to overcome. Once I hit the bottom, the only way to go was up, and I was going to DO IT!
My prayers for you are that you, too, will find some courage in the simple things of life. I have seveal Nativities that I never pack away...as reminders that He, too, suffered, and much more so than I. He rose above it. I am always looking at the sunrise, awaiting the day the Lord has made and being glad I am alive to see it again.
Hang in there, LoM. You are not forgotten. He knows you, He knows your needs, and He has blessings in store for you. NEVER GIVE UP!!!
XOXO
‘Face
God bless you abundantly for sharing your heart with me, and so publicly. I am sure others on Free Republic need lifting up at this time of year. Only the Lord himself knows the needs of this audience. We live our lives in such a fish bowl.... ‘Face, you are a real encourager of broken down people. That resilience you have is definitely divinely imputed. I am not feeling as “connected” with that source as I have in the past. I told my priest it was time for a retreat - he said he agreed. Hasn’t happened, yet. Home has too many “distractions” to be used as a sanctuary. All I see around me are memories of Sionn and the “stuff” that needs to be sorted, pitched, stored or given away. I think I will deal with that AFTER Christmas - with a little help from daughter(s) and friends. Meanwhile, I am going to make the effort to capture the true spirit of Advent and Christmastide so as to properly celebrate it and put the rest of life in right perspective. “I know that my Redeemer liveth....” (Handel - The Messiah) Thank you for sharing your wisdom and your pain. It helps. :-)