Posted on 10/28/2010 1:15:04 PM PDT by pissant
I read a while back that Ozzy is actually, ‘under study’ by a team of MD’s to determine his longevity. Seems that he too has baffled the scientific minds.
COLD TURYKEY BABY!
Before I can judge, I need to know to what kind of a skateboard he’s referring.
And what kind of hash. Lebanese? Turkish?
America thought he was so lovable as the bouncing and manic Andy Hardy, but what they were really watching was a speed freak who was probably spanking his monkey thirty times a day in his dressing room.
He’s alive for the same reason Mr. Burns is still alive - - it’s called the ‘Three Stooges Syndrome’:
_______________________________________________________
Doctor: Mr. Burns, I’m afraid you are the sickest man in the United States. You have everything.
Mr. Burns: You mean I have pneumonia?
Doctor: Yes.
Mr. Burns: Juvenile diabetes?
Doctor: Yes.
Mr. Burns: Hysterical pregnancy?
Doctor: Uh, a little bit, yes. You also have several diseases that have just been discovered - in you.
Mr. Burns: I see. You sure you haven’t just made thousands of mistakes?
Doctor: Uh, no, no, I’m afraid not.
Mr. Burns: This sounds like bad news.
Doctor: Well, you’d think so, but all of your diseases are in perfect balance. Uh, if you have a moment, I can explain.
Mr. Burns: Well...
[looks at his watch]
Mr. Burns: [the Doctor puts a tiny model house door on his desk]
Doctor: Here’s the door to your body, see?
[brings up some small fuzz balls with goofy faces and limbs from under the desk]
Doctor: And these are oversized novelty germs.
[points to a different one up as he names each disease]
Doctor: That’s influenza, that’s bronchitis,
[holds up one]
Doctor: and this cute little cuddle-bug is pancreatic cancer. Here’s what happens when they all try to get through the door at once.
[tries to cram a bunch through the model door. The “germs” get stuck]
Doctor: [Stooge-like] Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo. Move it, chowderhead.
[normal voice]
Doctor: We call it, “Three Stooges Syndrome”.
Mr. Burns: So what you’re saying is, I’m indestructible.
Doctor: Oh, no, no, in fact, even a slight breeze could...
Mr. Burns: [smiling broadly] Indestructible...
He is already pickled, God Bless His tenacity..
I knew a woman in Texas who, for the last 40 years of her life, ate almost nothing, but drank at least a quart of 100-proof vodka a day (she weighed about 90 pounds). She lived into her late 80’s.
Some people are just too ornery to die, no matter what they do to themselves.
Corned beef?
Evidence of a victimless crime...
Cancer is scared s-less of Keef.
5. He's been dead for years, but the Grim Reaper is afraid to get near him.
Also . . . what's it with Richards being suddenly in the news? The New Yorker had a feature article on him this week.
(Yeah, I know. I get the rag for free. And the cartoons are sometimes pretty funny, but lately they've been getting lamer and lamer. Roz Chast is not my idea of a good cartoonist, she can't even draw -- Charles Addams is more like it.)
Where are those nickels? I can’t find mine either..
It’s probably the cigarettes and alcohol, more than the drugs that are responsible for Keith’s looks.
He still lives because Euell Gibbons died for his sins...
William S. Burroughs is another one. Lifetime heroin addict.
I was reading an interview with Keith Richards in a magazine and in the interview Keith Richards intimated that kids should not do drugs.
Keith Richards!
Says that kids should not do drugs!
Keith, we can’t do any more drugs because you already did them all, alright! There’s none left! We have to wait ‘till you die and smoke your ashes!
-Dennis Leary
He never seems to be in the news for destroying a hotel room at the Plaza or failing a drug test and sent back to the court, he just lives to play music and stay in la la land.
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Well except for the falling out of the coconut tree a few years back, followed by his comments (I always assumed tongue in cheek) about snorting his cremated father’s ashes.
But as the man who was the driving force behind Exile on Mainstreet (Mick stayed back in England I think for the birth of one of his kids), Keith will always get props from me.
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