MORFORD: My handgun, my parasite

San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 7/2/8 | Mark Morford

[SmithL]

Never forget: The brutal effects of the Bush regime will be felt for generations -

Ah, so this is how it's gonna be.

Like recurring cancer. No, more like a rogue rash, an STD, flaring up at unexpected times and in unexpected places and when it fades, you gently let yourself forget all about it until it suddenly erupts and hits hard and ruins your day, and then you can only sit back and moan softly, slather on ointment, shudder.

Wait, one more: Maybe it's most like a nasty intestinal worm, a wicked parasite like those you suck down in India or deep Mexico or the jungles of Indonesia, the kind that burrow deep and attach to all manner of essential organs and induce a wicked bout of dysentery or all-over body convulsion, until you finally crawl out of the hospital and drown in antibiotics and slowly work your way back to semi-health — but only semi, because of course you are never quite the same.

This is where we are. This is the state of the nation after having swallowed the malicious worm of Bush. We have, by all accounts, suffered — and somehow survived — the very worst of the illness, the cancer, the oozing spirit. But now, as America's worst president prepares to amble off the stage he never deserved to be on in the first place, it is time to prepare for any number of convulsions, aftershock, excruciating reminders.

Here is your Bush-loaded Supreme Court, for one regrettable example, addressing the much-misinterpreted Second Amendment for the first time in eons. Here is the majority of the court basically arguing that, in case you forgot, much of America still blindly loves its guns,...

[SmithL]

Morfordite Alert

You have been warned!

[Charles Martel]

...like a rogue rash, an STD, flaring up at unexpected times and in unexpected places and when it fades, you gently let yourself forget all about it until it suddenly erupts and hits hard and ruins your day, and then you can only sit back and moan softly, slather on ointment, shudder.

Enough about your personal life, Mark.

[DuncanWaring]

The second sentence of the second paragraph seem to reveal a very detailed, personal, first-hand knowledge of the subject being discussed.

[KarlInOhio]

Morford - from the Anglo-Saxon "Mo" meaning attention or warning and "Rford" originally "rrrfoooordg" from the result of drinking too much cheap mead.

"Morford" signs can still be seen at the entrances of some British alehouses warning patrons that the floor might be slippery.

[Diogenesis]

The writer appears to be describing his own tertiary syphilis.

[DuncanWaring]

You noticed too, I see.

[xcamel]

(Feel free to steal this one!)

[avacado]

"...like a rogue rash, an STD, flaring up at unexpected times and in unexpected places and when it fades, you gently let yourself forget all about it until it suddenly erupts and hits hard and ruins your day, and then you can only sit back and moan softly, slather on ointment, shudder."

Well! The mystery has been solved as to why Morford's boyfriend left him at the alter.

[ArchAngel1983]

Where to begin!?!? This article is like stuffing 10 pounds of $hit into one sandwich baggie. How’d he do that?

[RichInOC]

Ah, Markie...the Emcee of the Kit Kat Club Cabaret that is San Francisco in the 21st Century.

[HoosierHawk]

Another brain-addled rant from a libtard loser.

It makes my day. : )

[KarlInOhio]

Here is your Bush-loaded Supreme Court,

Huh? Mark, go back to your crotch scratching you referred to earlier and let sensible people analyze this.

Roberts replaced Rehnquist as chief justice. Other than being much younger and therefore likely around for much longer, this wasn't much of an ideological change.

Alito replaced O'Connor. That was a shift from middle to occasionally right (especially in her dissent on the odious Kelo decision), to someone on the right. A change, but not an earth shaking shift.

It's not like he had Ginsburg and Stevens arrested, shipped off to Gitmo and replaced with two of Scalia's secret clones grown for the past twenty years in a lab underneath the Federalist Society. (I can dream, can't I?)

[weegee]

This is the state of the nation after having swallowed the malicious worm of Bush. We have, by all accounts, suffered — and somehow survived — the very worst of the illness, the cancer, the oozing spirit

We have not survived the cancer of Socialism, only paused its expansion at times. It is a malignant growth that is killing this country.

Meanwhile I did not know that worms can give you cancer.

There is a proper way to apply a metaphor and a wrong way.

[kb2614]

LOL!!!

This dude is hilarious!!

[wita]

It is quite apparent that the newspaper does not have an editor worth anything, and truth is not one of it’s guiding principles. This guy would be on the street faster than you can say phtt were an adult in charge.

[weegee]

Well he should know how to pack...

[weegee]

You forgot that San Fransicko wants to name a waste treatment plant after President Bush. The inmates run the asylum.

[Pontiac]

in case you forgot, much of America still blindly loves its guns,...

I’m Blind! I’m Blind!

[steve-b]

like a rogue rash, an STD

Even if Morford knows nothing else about the craft of writing, the lesson "Write What You Know" has stuck with him.

[steve-b]

the utterly phony idea, put forth by Justice Antonin Scalia himself, that only violence prevents violence

If a gang of skinhead punks decides to rearrange Morford's face because they take exception to his sexual preferences, which is more likely to dissuade them: sweet reason or a 38-caliber migraine for the leader of their pack?