Posted on 04/03/2008 6:44:24 PM PDT by Terriergal
prayer request (wonder if I should post this on FR) for my friend Brenda. She has five kids and is divorced. She is a Christian. Her ex pretended to be one, he is a spoiled brat pastor's kid. He abuses her verbally constantly, can't hold a job, steals money from their bank account (doesn't tell her where he spent it or how much or that he even DID spend it so they end up bouncing checks!). They are in serious debt with no real options for paying it off because of his behavior and inability to keep a job or even get a job. He's been through teen challenge and cheated his way through it. He doesn't pay child support, his parents must be paying his rent... he has had his license taken away for being a deadbeat dad. She on the other hand is working or trying to -- with FIVE kids. (ages 14 down to twins who are 2) and the county is not helping her enough. She wants to work at least a little, for a mental break from the kids, and because she enjoys blessing the folks in the nursing home (she is an activities director). She has been told now that because she got cash assistance that she didn't report (she though they had that info already) she owes back utilities now to the tune of $2300. She can't get by on the assistance they give if she doesn't work, and yet she gets punished financially if she works. It makes no sense. Jeff is no help and his parents won't talk to her, they don't even seem to care if she doesn't have diapers for the kids or suitable winter clothing. I bought them all coats and boots and gloves last fall.
She is constantly asking God if she is spending the money she DOES get wisely. She isn't a spendthrift but just doesn't have enough for five kids. The county doesn't seem to 'get' that.
I lived with her in Bible School. She is a peach. She grew up sexually abused, along with her siblings, by her pastor father, and is still the most loving, non bitter, forgiving and warm lady I know. Her only fault, being unable to judge a good man (probably due to her awful father's example).
I can't really help in a substantial way all by myself, but I try to help when I can. She needs something steadier though - and I just don't see how it will work. Just pray that the Lord will intervene in that situation and get her the assistance she needs. I go to the same church as Jeff's sister and brother in law. His brother in law has been good all along (he himself has been in jail before - and I think he authentically repented judging by his attitude now). But his sister has been for a long time like her parents even though she remembers being beaten up by him as a teen too and being genuinely scared of him.
Prayers up
Prayers up for your friend. Can her church help out or get her in touch with people who can help?
Prayers for your friend. If she is divorced, how is her ex getting into her bank account?
Prayers sent up for Brenda.
Prayers for Brenda and her children.
Prayer sent.
A prayer done for her. Does she need job training to get a better job? Every state has a job training program called Workforce Investment Act that helps people, especially Disadvantaged people, get career training- possibly up to 2 yrs. The rules vary state by state so check it out to see if she can get help that way. Be sure to mention the divorce, the income level and the number of children.
“If she is divorced, how is her ex getting into her bank account?”
My first thought too.
I am praying for her.
May God continue to shine his love and light on this very special woman.
Amen!
Prayers up.
Your friend should really check out Dave Ramsey’s “Total Money Makeover.” It contains a lot of good information and a rock solid financial strategy to clean up these messes. It will truly bring peace to her financial situation.
this theft was when she was still with him. He would take checks from the checkbooks that were still in the box. In the course of a day she wouldn’t notice they were missing when she was writing checks for groceries etc.
But of course they showed up on the statements and she would of course notice a missing number when balancing her checkbook. She asked him about them and he just shrugged and said he didn’t know, maybe there was a misprint... made up some story. But of course, if there was a misprint, these checks would never have come through on the statement.
Their third child, a girl, when she was just old enough to understand, remembers hearing him threaten mom’s life, while pinning her down with a broomhandle across her throat. She told their counselor this too.
When she saw his anger escalating against the kids too, she finally realized his excursion into teen challenge (which he was required to do because he had been arrested for shoplifting and public drunkenness) did not work, and made plans to divorce. The older kids know he has driven them around while having been drinking.
The courts of course make them visit him every other weekend, and the older kid found beer cans in his closet (empty) and said “why are you still drinking dad?” Dad said “I never promised I wouldn’t drink. I just said I wouldn’t drink when you guys are here.”
?!
thanks, I’ll check it out.
I’ve been pushing for her to check into something like that. Still, with five kids, it will be hard to make that much money that would cover daycare. She isn’t ‘doctor’ material by any means, but a lovely lady IMO with a great heart and attitude.
She is in a new town and can’t find a church that isn’t caught up in some nonsense that we don’t believe is right. She has been going to an E Free church but really no one seems very friendly there. In addition, because she initiated the divorce, some churches feel they cannot help. Especially because her ex voiced the words “I don’t want a divorce.” (Yeah but he also didn’t want a marriage!). He knows how to play people against her.
btw - new town — the reason she was able to move is that she finally got out of a 3 BR apartment in the metro area into a different county’s public housing and they got her into a 4 (or was it 5?) bedroom house. That was a Godsend. She needed to get out of that cramped apartment with all those kids and with how expensive the metro area is. Of course, she is stil in an expensive outlying suburb/county... but it’s a step up.
What about her church? This is one of their own suffering. Take up a collection or organize a group of volunteers to help with the kids. Assistance starts with friends, neighbors and family, not the county or state.
Prayers for Brenda.
Yeah... she doesn’t really have one right now. She just moved to the town and the one that actually teaches what we believe is right (or closest to it) isn’t really all that helpful.
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