Teaching children about defeat (vanity)

A friend came to me two weeks ago and, with great relish, displayed a hand-printed poster his young daughter had designed that urged the reader to “Vote for America!” and listed Republican candidates who were vying for various local and regional offices. “That’s my girl” he exclaimed, beaming with pride.

Last week he returned with a much more somber look on his face. Knowing full well what was depressing him, I struggled to find a way to broach the subject. Not being worth a damn at subtlety, I said, “So, how about those Republicans!” A defiant glare was quickly replaced with a look of resignation; “Harrumph” was about all he could manage.

“I’m irritated” he finally let slip out. “I’m irritated that somehow I didn’t get the message out. I’m irritated that I associated with people and called friends only to now find out they sold us out. I’m irritated because I feel like I let down my little girl!”

He related how his daughter Melissa had come home from school in tears. She had picked up the banner of his politics and championed them at school, to much derision. With fervor but not so much understanding she had spoken with confidence the electorate’s wisdom not to turn its collective back on the gains we Conservatives had made. After the results of Black Tuesday were clear, her classmates taunted her with chants of “Loser” and worse.

Now her father had the unenviable task of teaching her daughter the meaning of defeat. “She’s bought all of the drive-bys crap about repudiation.” He howled. “She is ready to turn her back on everything I taught her because she thinks that those values are wrong.” He said. “I’m not sure what you should tell your daughter” I admitted, casting about for anything that I could use to buy a bit of time. “But I do know that, right or wrong, if you can’t stand up for your principles when the chips are down, they weren’t worth defending in the first place.”

“OK. Let me paint a picture for you. Would you defend Melissa if she were in trouble?”

“Would you defend her if you thought she had done something wrong, say, stolen something?”

“Good answer, but kind of shallow. Man, you’re all tied up! Let me give you a hint: You would defend her because you have a bond between the two of you. I would bet that this bond goes beyond just the fact that you are father and daughter. Do you think that you would defend her if she were a stepdaughter instead of blood kin?”

“Again I could ask “Why?” but I think you’re getting at the answer now. So let’s take it one step further. Would you defend her if she had betrayed you?”

The awkward silence told the tale. He struggled to find an answer. Finally he answered “Yes.” “Yes I would defend her, even if she had betrayed me.” There was doubt in his voice, but a determined doubt.

“It isn’t easy, is it?” I said. “But you’ve come a long way. You understand the principle of defense, even when defense is uncomfortable or dangerous. Even when that defense is unsavory. This is what separates a principle from something that is just desirable. Melissa is thirteen and hasn’t really figured out Conservatism from a rational standpoint – she accepted it as an article of faith. She saw that you embrace it and, because she believes in you, she adopted your values. Now she needs to separate the event of a lost election with a rejection of the message of Conservatism. It would go down easier if she is fed it in small bites.”

The first thing that she needs to understand is that in this last election Conservatism didn’t fail; conservatives failed. We were outvoted at the ballot box. It happens. When it happens you need to learn why and move forward.

Why we lost the election is more difficult to accept. We lost because some of “us” turned against the rest of us. For more than a few years we have been at a political equilibrium – a roughly equal number of reliable Democrat votes to the reliably Republican ones. The outcome of the 2000, ‘02, ‘04, and now the 2006 elections show an ever increasing instance of extremely close finishes in races spread all across the geopolitical spectrum. Photo finishes. Statistical ties. Dead heats. The quest for the spontaneous voter (I don’t believe in such a thing as an “independent voter”) is a race to tip the balance one way or the either.

There is one other method of influencing a race – treachery. Employing the Machiavellian tactics of deceit and betrayal. Historians will look to this election as an example of treachery in action. Some people who claim to be conservatives betrayed the principles of Conservatism and voted against the only valid representation of Conservatism in America – the Republican Party - causing the defeat of scores of Republican candidates and shifted the balance of power in this country decidedly in favor of their acknowledged opponents, the Democrats. Why they did this is debatable and the excuses are varied.

“The Republican Party is becoming too liberal, and we need to yank it back into line!” is the one I heard most often. Endless debates produced much rhetoric, but little common sense, and I soon retired from the fray. To the question of how turncoat voters would “return us to the fold” and retake a lost Congress was answered with great bluster but little sense. A good friend once reminded once me that “You can’t reason a person out of something that he wasn’t reasoned into.” I dismissed the ranting of these pseudo-conservatives as aberrant and insignificant. I was wrong. Enough of them influenced enough others to vote with our enemies.

The damage that has been rendered will take years to repair, and will come at a great cost. It is possible that the softer Republicans – the ones that take Conservatism as an article of faith, but not as a reasoned ideology, may drop off. It is said that “everyone likes a winner” and we know that everyone likes to be a winner as well. Standing for principle even when it means coming in second takes grit, and not everyone has what it takes. “I’d rather be right than be popular” I said to my friend, who silently nodded in assent.

“This is an opportunity to teach you daughter the virtues of Conservatism” I told him. Unlike the rhetorical “values” that JF Kerry spouted - the “values” that appeared to shift as often as his fortunes and decisions - Melissa needs to learn about principles. A principle, if it is a genuine principle, never changes. Even if you abandon it, it will remain true.

One of the largest hurtles that adherents must confront is the intersection of Conservatism and religion. Conservatism, even in the expression of Republicanism, is not a theocracy. It holds, however, as its core principles, the principles of Christianity, just as America does.

The Democrat Party has worked diligently to divorce itself from any association with, or adherence to, the principles embraced by Christianity. In its place they embrace Secular Humanism and its quasi-religious expression, Statism. Literally stated, they reject anyone or anything as a greater power than themselves and instead worship “The Government”.

“But what does this have to do with teaching my daughter about defeat?” my friend asks.

“Now you’ve gone in a complete circle and my head is spinning! You said that we should use reason and not rely on faith!” said my friend, rolling his eyes.

Faith and reason can (and must) coexist. Intelligent and rational people test and temper faith by questioning and examining things. We become prideful and arrogant when we believe ourselves to be omnipotent and all knowing. The one thing humans have learned in ten thousand years is that we have a lot to learn. Hand in hand is the understanding that there is a great many things that have so far eluded understanding. Things greater than ourselves. Faith, and its cousins hope and curiosity, propel us forward to greater understandings. Without curiosity we don’t venture into dark places just to see what lies beneath. Without hope, we wouldn’t get out of bed and face the possibility of another defeat. And without faith we would just walk the Earth, going through the motions, and waiting for our day to die.

Melissa embraced and advocated a position that turned out to be the unpopular one this time around. She needs to be encouraged to stick to her guns. She needs to know that there is no shame in defeat, only in deceit. She needs to know that she will encounter “fair-weather friends” many times in her life and that she should learn to discern them and shun them, for they are the way of chaos, confusion and failure.

Most of all, she needs to know that her faith in her example; her exemplar; her model – her father – has the courage of his convictions.

What school grade is your friend's "young daughter" in?

I asked because I suspected she was very young and it's a shame she is so involved in the political arena that an election result would bring her to tears.

I'm all for sixth and seventh graders discussing world and domestic events but I really wonder why a child would be so emotionally tied to the results of an election. I guess part of it was the taunting by the other students but I guess I'm just old fashioned and enjoy seeing kids be kids.

A lifetime of political heartbreak awaits them in the future, if that's what they choose, but at 13? Yikes.

It seems to me that the lesson could have been taught in a simpler less personal way. When I was in school we had debates about petty things but the lessons learned were the same without having to worry about real life politics.

"A lifetime of political heartbreak awaits them in the future..."

I agree. Kids need to have a chance to be kids!

My daughter was about 15 during the 2000 national elections. I can recall her telling me about mock elections at her school that were basically popularity contests, with the candidates being selected for the shallowest of reasons. I know that she basically voted the same she knew I would (parroting the actions of her dad - just like Melissa did), but she was nowhere near as caught up in it an my friend's daughter appears to be.

In the years since, I have done what I can to teach her to evaluate races and candidates as she showed interest and competence to understand it. Disappointments? Yea it smarts. But it's only heartbreaking if you can't put it in perspective.

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