Posted on 04/05/2006 9:03:48 AM PDT by thetrojanpinata
To those of you who are as enraged about illegal immigration as I am: I find myself right in the heart of it, my life literally being stopped in its tracks as I tried to navigate those very FREEWAYS being flooded with students protesting current congressional legislation. To that end, I offer you an essay I have written in response to all this current madness:
Greetings. The Trojan Piñata has agonized over how to respond to the lunacy of the recent protests by illegal immigrants and their allies. There are so many issues clustering around this larger crisis that we find it a mite overwhelming. Just since the New Year began, the newspapers have been filled with articles about congressional action and inaction, day laborer sites, the ever-rampant crime associated with the invasion, bilingualism, the economics of the illegal immigration tsunami, and lest we forget: the amusing nomination by the Mexican government of Jorge Bustamante for a Nobel Peace Prize. Where to start?
We finally decided that throughout all of these topics, the same disease rages: an egregious lack of logic. What stands out most, when one examines the arguments clustering this topic, is that brains do not seem to be engaged.
Reason is not being employed: it is not being employed legally, it is not being employed illegally, it is not being employed at all, in most cases.
And so, the Piñata has decided that we will begin ’06 with a series of brief essays, the purpose of which is to shine a glaring light on the specious logic of so many arguments being made relative to the Illegal Alien Invasion.
By the way, our first of several Sidebars is this: If “illegal aliens” (which is exactly, logically, what they are), get to be “UNDOCUMENTED WORKERS”, then Minutemen are no longer “vigilante groups” but rather “UNDOCUMENTED ENFORCERS.”
Our first essay regarding the topic of Illegal Immigration shall be on the topic of “RECONQUISTA.”
The flaws in the Reconquista argument are enumerated below:
The “Reconquistas” maintain that their incursion into the United States Southwest is not an Invasion so much as their just efforts to reclaim what was once theirs to begin with, and what is therefore still rightfully theirs today. The Trojan Piñata accedes that there is some oblique logic to this, in a world of Ideal Justice. People should not take things that do not belong to them. However, the Reconquista point is nonetheless flawed on several levels:
) This is never the way the world has worked, not since the beginning of time. Using this logic, England would immediately return to Gaelic rule, kicking all the Muslims out, (among others,) even as the newly crowned 21s century Celtic Cats rock out to Spinal Tap’s “Stonehenge.” France would become the property of Romans once again, and everybody would get kicked out of Germany but those who could prove they have 100% Hun Blood coursing through their veins. All the French in Canada would be shipped right back to Paris, keeping in mind that as soon as they got there, they would then summarily be kicked out of the City of Lights, since that was originally the pride of the Ceasars. (Although to be accurate, the big C. would then have to sign title over to the Druids.) Even little Monte Carlo would not be spared: that would be returned to its original owner, a nasty little tyrant called, endearingly, The Barbarian, and in the fine tradition of torturing non-pagans (like the martyr Devota, patron saint of Monte Carlo, who became a saint after some sailors, punch-tired from rowing her corpse around all night, saw a dove fly out of her mouth), all Christians in Monte Carlo would now be tortured and fed to wild animals, instead of having their drinks comped while they lose at craps. Australia would no longer be the land of swaggering white great grandchildren of English prisoners; gone the pan blanco presence of Paul Hogan and Olivia Newton John and Toni Colette. Instead, Aboriginals and kangaroos and koalas would rule by day, while the present Aussie night life of glittering clubs and grand concert halls would be replaced by legions of Wombats and Tasmanian Devils ruling the dark. All American Negroes would be shipped back to Africa, since the United States was not their property, and since their ancestors CLEARLY had no desire to leave that property which was spiritually theirs: Africa. Any Central or South American with a drop of Spaniard blood in their veins, or who had any ancestry linkage to the likes of Velazquez or Balboa or even Cabeza de Vaca would be shipped across the big pond back to Costa Del Sol with all due haste, since they are descendents of Invaders who took property and land from American natives: Also, wealthy European investors would never have been allowed a foothold in Mexico to create Cancun. Given this first point alone, Reconquista is a silly argument.
) If Reconquista gets its land back, can the United States of America please have back the 15 million dollars that we paid you for it? Thankyou.
) Reconquista seems to want the land back that once was theirs--but WITH the additional infrastructure built on it by hearty, if overachieving, Northern European stock. As they parse it in the ‘hood, “Whazup with that?” If Reconquista truly, literally wants back what we stole, what they should rightfully receive is: thousands of acres worth of desert, whose definition of urban sprawl is adobe huts, holes in cliffs, and tracts of lovely sand golf courses, festooned by black widow spider webs, with prairie dogs for caddies and turkey vultures keeping score. It is a fact of history that the theme parks and C.F.S. cubicles and emergency rooms of modern day North America, which are so liberally enjoyed by the regents of Reconquista, were not a swelling feature in the panoramic campos of early Central American Indian life.
) Anti-penultimately, we pose this question: if Reconquista merely wants back what “we” stole, why are they in Vermont? Historical research indicates no presence of Aztecs in Stowe. There are no grand, Chichen Itza-esque pyramids in Bread Loaf, VT. And why the flood of illegals into grand old Virginia? No Mayans ever spent winters in Machu Picchu, then trekked to D.C. for the cherry blossom festival. The Araucanians never dropped in on Lynchburg to go antiquing, or Virginia Beach for the surfing. And what exactly is Reconquista doing in the sovereign states of the American SouthEast? Montezuma never owned a plantation. Not even forty acres and a mule. And why are illegals taking over Minnesota? Anthropological digs show no evidence of the Toltecs ever owning condos in Duluth. There were no thriving Cholulan tribes lording over the lakelands of Shakopee and Winnibigoshish. Dear Aztlan.net: if you really just want back what we stole, stick to El Paso and Bakersfield, and thereabouts.
) Lastly, and most compellingly, the Trojan Piñata asserts this point: if your definition of justice is that all stolen land must be returned to its rightful owner—and the Piñata cedes you have a valid point there, in an ideal world—can we assume, then, that once the United States legally and publicly RETURNS the Southwest to the Aztecs, the Aztecs will then immediately return it to the North American Indian Tribes, from whom THE AZTECS STOLE IT FIRST. The Aztecs themselves were invaders, taking the turf and lives of tribes who had been living peacefully with Mother Earth, and in most cases with each other, for tens of thousands of years. As recently as the nineteenth century, Mexicans were offering money bounties for Apache skulls as a part of their Invasion of Indian territory. We EuroGringos never did anything as vile as that to the Mexicans, we just opened our schools to them, offered them free oby-gyn care, and asked them to step aside a moment as we built a shining infrastructure on which they could freely drive their uninsured cars, in the fine American tradition of pursuing life, liberty, and fetterless cruising.
In this way, the entire Just returning of terrain, as we trace it back through history, shall appear not unlike the “return of the diamond tiara” scene in “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes,” with the aforementioned purloined platinum accessory passing through the hands of the entire cast, and with it passing through Marilyn’s hands twice (in this case, Marilyn* representing Reconquista), as she gives the tiara over to the judge, even as she has just gotten it back, because it was never really hers in the first place. See the movie, if you’re losing your track here. . . It is a wonderful metaphor for the lack of logic of the Invasion. And let me assure you: Reconquista will fare far worse, somewhere today in America, than being likened to Marilyn Monroe.
Is the Trojan Piñata beginning to make its point?
Silly Reconquistas. No logic.
(*Not the real Marylin, but the divine Ms. Russell in a blonde wig? We know. The Trojan Pinata just wanted to see if you were paying attention.) THE FALLACY MANIFESTOS AND THE MYTH OF RECONQUISTA by Mickey McClain and The Fattest Crimefighter in the World
IB4TZ?
"Silly Reconquistas. No logic."
Whether silly or not, the bottom line is that it's happening... and we're letting it happen.
That demographics is destiny has been proven over and over again through history.
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