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"A sex act involving an unwilling partner is rape."

I agree with that being a basic definition of rape, and that it would clearly encompass this "sex while asleep" situation.

But when the sex act at issue is between a married couple, and the "force" that is asserted to have been used was that the husband ignored the repeated statements by the wife of "don't do that while I'm sleeping, etc." I think prosecuting such behavior as rape could end up having very negative consequences.

The husbands behavior is obviously offensive, but it's also reasonable to assume that the wife has in fact granted some degree of consent by the fact that she did chose to marry the jerk and that she continued to sleep with him.

I see a clear case for the wife to file a divorce based on the husband being a creep. And I would have understood why she would have locked him out of the bedroom. In fact, if she truly felt "raped" by his behavior, I have to ask why she didn't take further steps to prevent it, such as locking him out of the bedroom?

Do you really want the police to decide whether one marriage partner's anger at, and disgust with, the other, meets the standards for rape? And if you think leaving such judgements in the hands of the police isn't a problem, well, would the first incident of "sex while asleep" have been a rape? How would you suggest the police decide such a question? Wouldn't it depend on whether the wife enjoyed/hated it or not? How would the police reliably determine that?

Consider a more general situation: One marriage partner complains to police that "I've told him/her several times that I hate it when he/she does that during sex; I want him/her arrested." Should the police make an arrest for rape? Does it really matter what the "that" is if one partner has repeatedly complained about it?

Isn't separation or divorce the more sensible and appropriate solution?

Have I completely ruined whatever reputation I may have had as a decent guy by making this argument?