"You know the book "The Perfect Storm"? I witnessed the perfect storm of craziness Sunday night: Courtney Love, Dennis Rodman, Tommy Lee, Andy Dick and Anna Nicole Smith, all within 35 feet of one another for Comedy Central's taping of the Pamela Anderson Celebrity Roast."
"As you might remember from my column about the Shaq Roast three years ago, few things make me happier than a celebrity roast -- it's the last place on the planet where anything can be said about anybody without any repercussions. Although they're always entertaining on TV, they're 10-20 times more entertaining in person because Comedy Central has to edit out some of the more biting/obscene/outlandish comments. (The fact that HBO or Showtime hasn't launched a Celebrity Roast Series remains one of the great mysteries in life.) In person, you hear everything -- hepatitis B jokes, domestic violence jokes, at least 125 different jokes about Tommy Lee's anatomy, even Jeff Ross telling Courtney Love, "God, what happened? Even Kurt Cobain looks better than you!"
"It was a vicious night from start to finish, kicked off by emcee Jimmy Kimmel announcing the names of Dick, Love, Rodman and Lee, then telling an inappropriate joke. Of course, Courtney ended up stealing the show, for better or worse -- interrupting comedians during their monologues, throwing shoes at people, spilling drinks, stumbling around, mauling Kimmel on the sofa, screaming "Clean and sober for 12 months" after every drug joke about her, crossing/uncrossing her legs like Sharon Stone in "Basic Instinct" for the people in the first few rows, pulling up her blouse for the crowd ... I mean, I can't adequately capture what happened. At one point, Tommy Lee was pouring himself champagne from Rodman's table, they looked at each other and both kind of shrugged. Imagine being so crazy that Dennis Rodman and Tommy Lee had to share a "Wow, she's nuts!'" moment about you?"
One drawback about roasts: There are always 2-3 people who bomb, and at least 2-3 more people who end up going on waaaaaaaaaaaaay too long. For instance, an unprepared Eddie Griffin (the comedian/actor, not the basketball player) babbled incoherently for about 20 minutes, to the point the teleprompter was flashing in capital letters, "PLEASE WRAP IT UP!" (That was funny in itself -- when they edit the show, they should just show the teleprompter over his actual routine.) There was also a transvestite performer (dubbed "Pamela Manderson" by Ross) who bombed so badly that Jimmy immediately followed her routine with, "Don't worry, that's all going to be edited out of the show."
Gee, I can't wait.