(BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)
Posted on 01/28/2005 8:58:14 AM PST by Critical Bill
Ashlee Simpson should just shut ... her ... mouth.
Simpson, the little sister - image-wise, the evil princess - of Jessica Simpson, the good fairy, has found herself bobbing in boiling water for months. Some of her woes are warranted. Most are starting to take on a gladiatorial feel. Victim, meet lion. Lion, gnaw at will.
First came Ashlee Simpson's appearance on a venerable Saturday Night Live episode. A miscued guide-vocal track - something used often and by far more respected singers than Simpson - created a debacle every bit the equal of Janet Jackson's infamous "wardrobe malfunction" at last year's Super Bowl half-time show.
Actually, this was worse. Jackson's "thanks for the mammary" moment was over in the blink of an eye, leaving only howls of pious, misdirected outrage over a promotional stunt gone sour.
Simpson's moment was prolonged. The vocal track to the wrong song blared. The band not only played on, but actually turned up - leaving no doubt that they were working live - with grins on their faces. Simpson stood stunned, deflated, then half-heartedly hopped about like a harlot hobbit who had had a bit too much brew at the pub. She eventually walked off the stage.
And the band played on.
It was painful to watch. Literally. I laughed so hard I sprained something.
Critics, smelling a good witch hunt, leveled charges of lip-synching at Simpson. So what? People who go to see Simpson aren't going to hear her sing. They are going to hear the songs. There is a difference. She is a product (literally) of the video era. Level a finger at her, and you must do the same to Britney Spears, Janet Jackson, Madonna and countless others who are obligated to take the stage and replicate their videos, complete with complex dance moves. It is very difficult to simultaneously dance and sing. Just try singing and jogging in place for a minute.
Simpson should have just admitted what happened, then moved on. All the hubbub didn't matter to the fans who bought enough copies of Autobiography, her debut CD, to send it to No. 1.
Instead, Simpson desperately offered a litany of often contradictory excuses - it was her band's fault, she had acid reflux, she blew out her voice at an earlier taping - that made a bad moment infinitely worse.
She should have just shut ... her ... mouth.
On Jan. 4, Simpson was asked to perform during the half-time festivities at the Orange Bowl, in which the Oklahoma Sooners played the University of Southern California Trojans. She was loudly booed by 72,000 fans - to be fair, maybe a few didn't boo, but it sure didn't sound like it.
She was awful. She didn't sing. She shrieked. Any attempt to maintain pitch was seemingly abandoned. Describing it as caterwauling would be too kind. It was every singer's nightmare, and because it was Simpson....
The public outcry was immediate. Bethan Decker, 18, of Staten Island, started an online petition (www.stopashlee.com) asking Simpson to literally shut up. The petition states in part: "We the undersigned are disgusted with Ashlee Simpson's horrible singing and hereby ask her to stop. Stop recording, touring, modeling and performing. We do not wish to see her again."
As of early this week, 198,125 people had signed the petition. A performer can't buy that kind of publicity.
Simpson could have just let the performance go. No comment. But no. She retorted with another litany of lame excuses, from having no monitors - complete bunk - to the reaction of Sooner fans who had seen a clip of her that was broadcast before the game in which she was shown rooting for the Trojans.
Again, she should have just shut ... her ... mouth.
The entire affair is reminiscent of when Sinead O'Connor, having just ripped up a photo of the pope on Saturday Night Live, was booed offstage in New York at an all-star tribute concert to Bob Dylan. Rock icon Neil Young, talking to a British writer from New Musical Express, had performed. He witnessed O'Connor fleeing the stage in tears. What did he think?
"She got a good reaction," he said. "It was a New York reaction. It was a strong reaction. They were booing her, but at least they were reacting. It's not like they didn't know she was there.
"I'd say that was a good reaction."
Young, who has been known to push a few buttons in his long career, continued. "I've been booed for my music.... But they never made me run. It doesn't bother me. I just keep on going. It passes."
Sage advice. Simpson is headed out on tour Feb. 16. The tour will take her to Greensboro. I will see the show. I go with realistic expectations - and with a certain admiration.
Simpson recently told MTV News, "I've learned a lot about myself. I'm still 20, a new artist, and I will grow." And part of growing is knowing when to respond, and when to stay mute.
Whether she is good or bad, musician or product, is immaterial. She hasn't run. Bravo.
That's one way of putting it.
Jackson's "thanks for the mammary" moment was over in the blink of an eye, leaving only howls of pious, misdirected outrage over a promotional stunt gone sour.Ya! Why was everyone picking on poor Janet! </sarc>
My only question is... why are they (SNL and ABC for example) trying to foist this no-talent be-otch on the public? Oh, that's right name recognition courtesy of her sister and the opportunity to make a few bucks.
Her sister is stunningly beautiful AND can actually sing- she is very attractive, but cannot- and her forced efforts of self-promotion are making a bad thing worse.
And we'll all be listening to John, Paul, George, and Ringo long after nobody remembers her name.................
(BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)
I heard her sing that 'Berlin' song."Ever breath you take"(?) and she seems to hide the start of every second word, like choke it off, very strange. I disagree she is a good singer but can sing.
Seems Ed still doesn't get it, and that he still thinks it was an accident.
What a boob.
Come again?
Whahuh?
Interesting way to say "Ashlee Who?".
Ahh, I have never watched "The Simpson's" right through which is why I missed your meaning.
I have only seen the first part of the cartoon.
I will admit that during the dos days, I used ANSI.SYS to put a line drawing of Homer or Bart, which ever was the son, saying command me dude as the C: prompt.
Ashlee Simpson, and Jessica Simpson are not a cartoon. They are real people. Ever hear of google.com?
GO GO SPEED RACER!
Boy, I sure am a thread killer.
If you are talking to me, of course I know who they are, I posted this remember?
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