Posted on 01/27/2005 5:42:07 PM PST by SandRat
Due to the cancellation of the Inaugural Ball for Senator Kerry...There will be a small Soiree' (pity party) for those who have already bought their attire.
The nights' entertainment will be provided by the DIXIE CHICKS & Bruce Springsteen.
Tissues for excessive self pity will be furnished by Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins.
We are pleased to announce DAN RATHER will be our Master of ceremonies!!! Yeah!!!!
Cameron Diaz has pledged CUPCAKES!!
What's this?....a Free Screening of Fahrenheit 911! Thank you, Michael Moore.
Ashton Kutcher will sign his latest book..."I open my mouth...and stupid falls out."
P Diddy will not be in attendance; he is still trying to get the vote out. If you see him, tell him that he was not "disenfranchised" from this event. He can come home now.
Barbara Streisand is preparing for her next role and will not be here, (boo hoo); she will be starring as Teresa Heinz Kerry in the sad story of "Shove It."
Ted Kennedy will be tending the bar (of course). He demanded a contract first. Serve one, drink two. Serve two, drink four - - -
Just in....Sour grapes will be provided by the Heinz Corporation. Cheese is available with the whine.
Larry Flynt will be taking "official" photos -
Terry McAuliffe will be making an appearance - but only at the window - on the outside looking in.
George Soros will arrive in a gilded chariot pulled by eight white horses.
Teresa will be stunning in a jeweled hospital gown. She is coming directly from "election" surgery - had her lips stapled!
Susan Estrich, being picky about her diet, will be bringing her own crow.
John Kerry will be flippin the burgers...flipping is something he has proven to be very good at.
Lots of Ketchup folks, the white house has donated thousands of bottles of Heinz relish, mustard, and all the pickles too. A spokesman reports they have switched to an alternative brand.
Attention all actors: Norman Lear is casting for his new television show "Fahrenheit 11-2-04 how'd the GOP do that?"
After counseling guests on moral issues, the Reverend Jesse Jackson will be sweeping up.
Hope to see you all there...not much else going on.
HILLARY
Barbara Boxer is set to appear in her lovely Klan gown. Somehow, she always knows exactly what to wear to these parties.
I'd love to attend...Just to stand back and gloat...
...and in a real highlight, Howard Dean will howl at the moon at midnite!
"Ashton Kutcher will sign his latest book..."I open my mouth...and stupid falls out."
ROFL! Thanks for posting, this one's a good one!
Drat! I thought I'd heard that Boxer was providing the face painting and was asking for donations to purchase extra tins of the color black.
What about Al Gore? Why doesn't he have a major part in this?
...well,....when you stop laughing or at least slow down enough so you can use the keyboard, ping it around. Let everyone enjoy our unique sense of humor.
he invented the concept of parties didn't you know and we've been ignoring his creative contribution since time began.
"It's my party, and I'll whine if I want to".
...and Robert Byrd will be muttering "Damn! I can't believe she wore the same thing I did!"
Damn! I forgot about that. Thanks for reminding me.
Great casting! I can just picture Teddayza on-set giving advice about handling bottles of beer, watching your back in the Grand Canyon scene and ensuring her Gin-Soaked Raisin recipe has the 'proper' amount of gin.
Oprah will give cars to everyone, then pretend she didn't know anything about the taxes.
Madonna will lead the congregation in Kabbalistic performance celebrating her newfound moral consciousness, after which she will sign copies of her 80's book Sex for donations to Bev Harris.
Tim Robbins will introduce his new line of Polartec hats and scarves, called A Chill Wind.
Whoopi Goldberg could not be reached for comment, as she is still washing her mouth out with soap.
Good point. Someone had better go check on him. Last time he missed a party, Tipper found him huddled up against a corner in the Senate chamber in the middle of the night, with the lights off. He was muttering something like "my football..my football..my football".
It's not her recipe, it' my great-grandmother's and it works. I am sure she got it when she was married to a republican and should be banned from using it now. At least till she gets rid of the cabin boy..
I thought SHE was the gin soaked rasin.
You do know that Whoopi for her is also associated with her olfactory offending, less than aromatic public behavior, don't you?
Al Gore has had his straight jacket supersized.
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