I had one situation where the kids father would yell at him from the stands. This is in practice. Him and another dad who thought their kids were going to the show would talk about my coaching style behind my back and how their kids would be better in another organization.
So, one night while they were yelling I stopped practice and told the two boys that they are off the team. They looked at me with tears in their eyes, asking why did I cut them. I told them to ask their fathers.
As a coach in a recreational program I put up with a lot of crap. Yelling at your children or coaching them from the stands was an automatic violation of the code of conduct and a meeting with the board mandatory. It got to a point where the board would tell the parent that they were not allowed in the building for either practices or games and that included games on the road.
The 24 hour rule was another that I didn’t tolerate. A dad came up to me after a game and demanded to know why his kid only played 3 minutes and 30 seconds. I told him to wait 24 hours and after he cooled down we would talk. He wanted none of it. I told him he signed a code of conduct and there would be repercussions for his behavior if he continued to pursue this. He didn’t let up.
His kid came out of the locker room, walked up to me and thanked me for not sending him to the locker room after he blew a tire early in the game. It was early in the morning and the pro shop wasn’t open. We used a sharpening tool to get the blade to a point he could skate but it wasn’t happening. He asked me if he could stay on the bench.
In front of his father I cut him and told him is father had something to tell him. It was the one time I saw a dad truly hurt to a point he was crying. I put the kid back on the team the next day and told the dad he was banned from the rink for the remainder of the season.
Last one...
I am coaching a squirt team (9/10 year olds). It is early in the season and some dads are complaining about their kids ice time. At our initial meeting I reminded them that in the contract they signed it only guaranteed ice time for practice. Ice time was at the coaches discretion. We are midway through a tough game and I look up at the stands. Not one dad is watching the game. They are writing things down. I am wondering what this is all about and after the game I asked what was going on. Dad looks at me and says with a straight face, “They are using a stop watch to see what their kids ice time is so they can get a rebate based on minutes played.”
This went on for two more weekends. I finally had enough. I called a meeting. After every game I analyze my team’s play for review purposes. This way when I meet with the players and parents I can tell them what the kids should be working on.
At the meeting first dad stands up and demands to know why his kid, who happens to be one of the better players only played a couple of shifts. “If my kid was on the ice more we would have won.” Fair enough. “Your kid is failing two classes and missed a practice this week.” Next! “My kid scored 7 goals, why did you pull him in the third period?” You promised your kid a new stick if he scored 4 goals and instead of playing for the team, he was playing for the stick. By the way, if you didn’t notice, we lost 8-7, 6 of those goals with your kid on the ice.” Next!
I then pulled what I considered my best move as a coach. I suggested we end the season right now and forfeit the rest of the games due to the fact the kids are spending more time concerned about what you think than what I am teaching them. Stop watches went bye bye and not another word was uttered from the parents the rest of the season.
Sometimes this game is more about the parents than the kids. The kids want to have juicy juice and pop tarts. The dads are searching the stands for scouts.
I know hockey has a similar flow to soccer - I coached and played indoor footy for years....even more like hockey with that continuous flow.
Always thought the yelling parents were counter to the "spirit of the game", especially at the youth level. Now pros? different deal for sure, but our youth (and most coaches) are not being paid to take that kind of abuse!
Thanks for sharing those anecdotes. Your "playing for the stick" story reminded me of a high point in my coaching career. I took a team of misfit "bad news bears" rec players, built them up over a season and took them to a local tourney (a first for them). They actually started believing they could win, and after two days we found ourselves in the final match. Came down to a double shootout. Best those lads ever played, but I'll tell you, giving them a glimpse of what they were capable of was invaluable.
Carry on Coach! Folks like you make America - invest in our next generation, build up young folks.